Tag: nessie

Children’s Crypto Critters Art Prints

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Children's Crypto Critters Art Prints
Kids nowadays are so clever, they want “real art” on their walls. None of that poorly drawn, minimalistic stick figure nonsense anymore. That kind of art may have been okay back then but it just doesn’t make the cut these days. You know what else they want? Cryptids. Kids can’t get enough of those crazy cryptids. These Crypto Critters art prints will help quench their thirst for the finer things in life if you hang it up the classroom, play area, or nursery. It also might teach them how to identify monsters that lurk in the world. It features pictures of popular characters like the Mothman, Eddy the Yeti, Skeet the Sasquatch, Nessie the Loch Monster, and Marlowe the mermaid.

If you’re looking for high-quality décor for your child’s wall, this is it. A good combination of adorable graphics and good color work.

Loch Ness Monster Corpse Found on Beach in Georgia

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Loch Ness Monster Corpse Found on Beach in Georgia
The remains of a mysterious sea creature that looks like the Loch Ness Monster washed ashore on a beach in Georgia. See, they do exist! If it swims like a plesiosaur and dies like a plesiosaur, it’s a damn plesiosaur people! Check out a newscast about it below. They had to blur out some guts where the birds picked at it. I thought they were blocking out a big dino-Weiner at first.

It could also be a sea creature called ‘Altamaha’ that is said to lurk in the area. Loch Ness? This thing is more like a Loch Mess. Am I right?
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Cute Cryptid Club Hard Enamel Pins

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Cryptid Club Hard Enamel PinsJoin the Cryptid Club. Nah, it’s not a club where the cryptids are on stage stripping with their cryptid bad selves for dollar bills. But that would be cool too. Each cryptid club hard enamel pin features a different, well known cryptid and is made of hard enamel, measuring about 1″. Get Mothman, Sasquatch or Nessie. Join the club, but the first rule is that we don’t talk about Cryptid Club.

Chinese Loch Ness Monster Spotted

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Chinese Loch Ness Monster Spotted
This is a cell phone video from China that supposedly shows a mysterious creature briefly emerging from a lake while a bunch of onlookers panic and make noise. The footage was filmed at a lake in China’s Louping County, and shows a dark object causing ripples on the surface of the water. Then another part of the creature suddenly pops up out of the lake and witnesses can be heard gasping and shouting some more.

Let’s see, we have bubbling and ripples on the water. My research suggests that this is yet another case of the “Nessie farting” phenomenon. No wonder the witnesses are freaking out. Nessie farts reak. Nessie rips some farts and the bubbles rise, rippling the water when they hit the surface. Sometimes you lose control and poop hits the surface. Don’t believe me? Get in the bathtub and let one rip. I just tested my theory a minute ago. In fact I’m still in the tub. Just did it again. Hang on, gotta plug my laptop in again. Rips a huge one. Hey, look at me, I’m Nessie.

*Creates a wave that hits my laptop and electrocutes me for like ten minutes. We’ll talk later when I get out of my coma.*
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Loch Ness Monster Stalks Scottish Village

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Loch Ness Monster Stalks Scottish Village
The Lochness Monster has apparently left the water and is stalking a Scottish village. No doubt in search of the nasty Scottish dish known as Haggis. It is a little known fact that Nessie loves him some Haggis. So it was apparently just roaming around the countryside. Probably shouting, “HAGGIS! Where’s me fekking Haggis? I could also use a kilt! Me wee bits are gettin’ shrivelled in the chill!” He’s walking along, peeping in windows and scaring sheep and whatnot.

I think that this marks the first time that Nessie has been spotted outside of the Loch. Maybe he got Loched out! In which case he is out of Loch, I mean luck. I mean, it looks like a bad photoshop, but the thing is, monsters all look like bad photoshops anyway. Cuz they’re nasty!
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