Tag: novelty

Cthulhu Backpack

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cthulu backpack
Don’t hurt your back carrying around heavy books. Let Cthulhu do the heavy lifting with his many suckered tentacles. This Cthulhu Backpack has your back and would like your soul and sanity as well. Use it to carry your school books or your HP Lovecraft books. Or both.

What? You use a kindle? Well la-de-da. Not all of us can afford a fancy- Oh wait. Just checked the price. I can afford that. I just have a third grade reading level, so I choose not to have one. So there. Are you happy? Me too. That fancy book reading takes valuable time away from internet picture reading.

Glow In The Dark Playing Cards

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glow in the dark cards
My alone in the dark poker games just got more exciting thanks to these glow in the dark cards. Who needs friends anyway? The images on the face cards transform and come to life under a black light. Turn the lights out and get playing. The only problem is that you can’t see the chips so you end up betting everything you have on a pair of twos.

That and you can’t see the chips, so you shove poker chips in your mouth instead of potato chips. Needs more salt.

Scented Beer Bottle Candles

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Beer Bottle Candles
These Scented Beer Bottle Candles are perfect for your mancave. For once you won’t have to get drunk and spill your beer in the wife’s candle to have a beer scented candle. Or spill wax in your beer bottle. Etsy seller UReflections
has done all of the work for you.

No more dumping beer on the carpet to get that smell. Now you can have fresh beer scent even if you don’t live in a beer splattered pigsty of your own making. We truly are living in the future.

Fish In A Bag Soap

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fish in a bag soap
This Fish In A Bag Soap is supposed to look like those fish you win at a carnival that die as soon as you get home and put it in the tank. Of course, the last time that happened it was entirely my fault. Fish flakes/fish sticks? How do I know what they eat? It’s not like I’m friggin’ Aquaman over here.

Be right back! Okay I’m back. Had to remove another floater from the tank. No, not another dead fish. The crapper won’t flush. It’s cool. Just tossed it outside so I can blame the neighbor’s dog later. Aren’t you glad you don’t live by me? Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, fish in a bag. It’s a fun way to keep clean. If you’re a weirdo. Which I am.
Read more “Fish In A Bag Soap”

Wolf Coat

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

silver wolf costume
This Wolf Coat simulates what happened to me last week. There was a full moon and I transformed and started howling like crazy until they locked me up in a cage and waited for me to transform back to my pasty naked self in the morning. The next day the sheriff was all like, “The moon wasn’t even full last night.”

I was all like, “Sheriff, you gotta do something about those kids mooning people. Between that and my wife bending over, I never get any damn peace! Did you bring my clothes and 3 rotisserie chickens like I asked?”