Tag: novelty

Women’s Hot Dog Stretch Pants

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womens hot dog pants
Now, normally when I meet a fine lady sporting a hot dog, I run the other way. But these Women’s Hot Dog Stretch Pants are the exception. It’s like I always say, “A woman with a hot dog inside the pants is a problem, but a woman with with hot dogs all over? On the outside? That’s a keeper”. Yeah, I’ve actually had to say that. Through tears. Crazy world.

You can get all kinds of fun food stretch pants for your buns as well as other styles. They cloned that girl in the pic below to show you how they all look.
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Call of Cthulhu Playing Cards

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cthulu playing cards
Want to spice up your Poker Night? Invite Cthulhu! These Call of Cthulhu Playing Cards feature all kinds of characters based on the Cthulhu mythos. The artwork depicts a selection of eldritch horrors and Lovecraft himself on one card.

I have a full house, Cthulhu high. Let me see that. I’ve never seen Cthulhu high. Yep, he definitely looks stoned. Take your card game to the next horror-filled level with these officially licensed Call of Cthulhu playing cards. *singing* You gotta know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em…* Fun fact: I used to think that song was about pizza. I fold mine. Big gut, small mouth.

Gonna go grab a slice or three now and let the cheese drip until I have tentacles all over my chin.
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Richard Nixon Fighting A Sabertooth Tiger Art Print

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nixon fighting a sabertooth
This fine art print of Tricky Dick “I am not a crook” Nixon shows Richard Thrillhouse Nixon battling a sabertooth tiger. He’s got him down and is pouncing all over him, getting ready to punch him in the face with his brass knuckles.

I didn’t like Richard Nixon before, but now the man is one of my personal heroes, right up there with Pee-Wee Herman and whoever the guy was who invented Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. You got your chocolate in my peanut butter. No you got YOUR peanut butter in my chocolate. Who cares? Damn that’s good!
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Bank Tube Purse

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bank tube purse
This bank tube purse will come in handy the next time my wife asks me to get her purse. I’ll just pop it in the tube with a deposit slip and let it fly away until it comes out the other side to hit my wife in the head.

Then she’ll forget what she asked for and she’ll sign it and send it back, thinking she’s making a deposit. Then I collect the money! Sweet. I’ll have a PS4 in no time now. Thank you bank tube purse. And thank you for banking at the First National Bank of me.

Icy Dead People Ice Cube Tray

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icy dead people
Icy Dead People. In my drink. It’s the sequel that M. Night Shyamalan wanted to direct, but after his last few craptastic movies, he couldn’t get the budget for a glass and a bucket of ice. The big twist at the end of the movie was going to be that these bodies were actually floating in Lemonade, NOT in Fruit Punch. Bam! Another M. Night Shyamalan classic.

I’m gonna play the X-Files theme while I watch these guys bob up and down in my Iced Tea. Then I’m gonna bite their heads off like the man-shark I am.