Tag: strange

Ileum and The Ostomy Plush

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Ileum and The Ostomy PlushDamn son! This Ileum and The Ostomy Plush is… Well, I had to look up what an ileum was and it’s the third portion of the small intestine aka your poop chute. This plush is like Homer’s Iliad, an epic hero’s journey…

This epic saga recounts the journey of our hero, Feceus. We begin near the end of our hero’s passage, in Ileum (the small intestines).

When Feceus tries in vain to reach the outside world via the rectum, he finds his way is blocked. He valiantly fights his way into the colon but can get no further.

The clever Feceus takes his mighty scalpel and severs the colon in twain! He then takes the end and pushes it through the abdominal wall to create a new exit into the world!

This new exit became known as the Stoma in this tale,
The Ostomy!

So yeah, that happened. Nice bedtime story.

Cool Tombstones Salt and Pepper Shakers

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Tombstones Salt and Pepper Shakers
Here lies Salt. Here lies Pepper. Man, this is sad. I never even got to see them in concert. I’ll just have to push it in their honor. Push it real good! Dun dun dun dun duh…. These Tombstones Salt and Pepper Shakers are a great way to make your table look like a graveyard. It goes well with the leftover bones of that chicken you just ate.

And so these seasonings are laid to rest. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, I never took it out and used it, so it really did rust.

Freddy Krueger Wine Glass

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Freddy Krueger Wine Glass
What’s wrong Freddy? You got a headful of wine? Yeah ya do. This Freddy Krueger Wine Glass keeps Freddy’s head so full of wine that he’s actually chill and won’t invade your dreams for once. Alcohol is wonderful like that. Maybe not calm. He looks pretty pissed about it cuz he wants to terrorize. He just can’t.

The Mothman Coffee – Cryptid Caffeination

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

The Mothman Coffee
The Mothman never sleeps. He’s too busy flying around terrorizing people in the backwoods of West Virginia. Dude is wired. He’s like one cup of coffee away from getting busted by the police cuz he’s pleasuring himself against a telephone pole one moonlit night, while cooing softly, then hissing when the officer approaches. Just look at his eyes. He’s crazy caffeinated. Now you can go all Mothman too thanks to The Mothman Coffee. You may not get accosted by the Mothman, but you will be so f**ked up, you will feel like you were. Warning: You may wake up in a ditch on the side of the road naked and hear reports of Mothman sightings from the night before when you walk back into town.

Human Skull Zombie Notebook Cover

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Human Skull Zombie Notebook Cover
Be the coolest kid in school with this Human Skull Zombie Notebook Cover. And also be the weirdest kid in school that no one will talk with. But that’s okay. Cover your notebook in style. It’s especially good if your notebook is full of zombie drawings and scary monsters. It is made of genuine black leather. No actual zombies were harmed in the making of this cover. Look at him biting that rope. Roooooarrrrrr. He’s hungry!