If you ever wondered what those grey abducting space bastardos drink just before they swerve to a stop and activate their tractor beam, here it is: Alien Beer. Well, it’s non-alcoholic to us, but these little butt-probing weirdos get drunk on the stuff. Which explains that one encounter I had where it kept telling me how pretty I was. A 4-pack will cost you almost $400. I call that Alien inflation, which is also what I call it when I pump up that cute little alien doll I have hidden in the- Nevermind.
Tag: drink
The Mothman Coffee – Cryptid Caffeination
The Mothman never sleeps. He’s too busy flying around terrorizing people in the backwoods of West Virginia. Dude is wired. He’s like one cup of coffee away from getting busted by the police cuz he’s pleasuring himself against a telephone pole one moonlit night, while cooing softly, then hissing when the officer approaches. Just look at his eyes. He’s crazy caffeinated. Now you can go all Mothman too thanks to The Mothman Coffee. You may not get accosted by the Mothman, but you will be so f**ked up, you will feel like you were. Warning: You may wake up in a ditch on the side of the road naked and hear reports of Mothman sightings from the night before when you walk back into town.
Awesome Food Beast Art Prints – Inner Food Demons
Are you a food beast? When you tear through a bag of cheetos, do you turn into a monster? Me too. We should hang out some time and go all beastly on some junk food. These Awesome Food Beast Art Prints show our inner monsters when it comes to food and drink. The seller CindyAndersonArtist has several of them to choose from and I’m pretty sure they are all based on me. Especially that Cheetos guy. Looks just like me, except my hands go all orange and sometimes i make lines of the dust on the bottom of the bag and take a toot or two.
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Black Widow Spider Glasses
Widows are the worst, all sex starved and groping you all the time cuz you’re a man and they need some sweet lovin’, but enough about my short career as a gigolo at a retirement community. These Black Widow Spider Glasses reminded me how grabby those blue haired ladies were.
These glasses are bad-ass, showing the deadly black widow in several poses like it’s a sexy spider calendar or something. I don’t blame male spiders for falling for the black widow’s tricks. I mean, ya see an hour glass on their back, you just figure it’s a tramp stamp. You figure it means she’s up for about an hour of fun and that’s it. Hell, that’s 59 minutes and 30 seconds more than I need.
But no, it means death. *Sad face*
Tru Blood Blood Orange Carbonated Soda Drink
Tru Blood. It’s what Vampires drink, when they aren’t all trying to fang-bang Sookie Stackhouse. Now you can drink it too thanks to this Tru Blood Blood Orange Carbonated Soda Drink. The idea is that vampires drink this stuff so they won’t have to attack us mortals. But now that humans are drinking Tru-Blood, our blood is going to taste like Tru-Blood. So why shouldn’t vampires feed off of us? It makes no sense.
I drink garlic drinks. Keeps the vamps away. And everyone else.