Be Prepared: Zombie Survival Kit

Be Prepared Zombie Survival Kit
This is a Zombie Survival Kit that you can buy to be prepared for the eventual zombie apocalypse. I have no idea what’s going on in that image above. I think it’s the story of a cowgirl experiencing an undead outbreak firsthand. She was probably minding her own business, riding a mechanical bull, in some dark warehouse, or maybe giving a lap dance while some dude admires her tramp stamp, I have no idea, when the zombies burst in. So she got her knife out and got to work because she had this survival kit. Looking fabulous while chopping heads and making the undead dead again. Yippe Ky yay MFer! And that is exactly how you keep your sleezy nightclub free of undead freaks. She’s my new hero. Or is it heroine? She is my new heroine. I plan to take her internally once I find a vein and sleep with my eyes open and a smile on my face as I watch her exploits in my mind.

This kit includes a survival bandanna, survival saw, machete, germicide tablets, survival can, emergency blanket, survival book, first aid book, compass kit, gas mask, and a heavy wooden crate with a locking clasp.

Public Toilet Survival Kit

public toilet kit
I find this Public Toilet Survival Kit very lacking in the real necessities for surviving a public toilet. Or should I say, pubic toilet since you will more than likely find some guys whole bush of pubes on the seat? My ideal public toilet survival items?

Magazine- I might be a while. Also helps to fan the stink around. Swat some flies.

Second magazine- This one you just throw in the toilet. It blocks other people’s nasty pee and poop larvae from splashing up into your butt more effectively than toilet paper. TP just does not prevent the upsplash after you drop a log.

Third magazine- I recommend a tabloid. In the event that the TP is out, you can smear some celebrity faces with your fecal fudge. The smile I get from smearing Kim Kardashian’s face with my brownie maker is priceless.

Use my 3 magazine system in conjunction with this survival kit and you will be just fine in even the nastiest bathroom.
Read more “Public Toilet Survival Kit”