Tag: gas mask

Steampunk Gas Masks Cufflinks

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Steampunk Gas Masks Cufflinks
These Steampunk Gas Masks Cufflinks will come in handy during special occasions. You want cufflinks that say, “You farted and even my accessories know it.” I was gonna wear some classy cufflinks, but once I looked at the gas list guest list and saw how many serial farters were attending this little shindig, I knew I had to be prepared with the proper wrist accessories.

You’ll notice that they go well with the full sized gas mask I’m wearing on my head. You got a fan in here? You might want to turn that baby on and crank it up to 11. Smells like somebody wrapped a dead body in old cheese.
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Be Prepared: Zombie Survival Kit

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Be Prepared Zombie Survival Kit
This is a Zombie Survival Kit that you can buy to be prepared for the eventual zombie apocalypse. I have no idea what’s going on in that image above. I think it’s the story of a cowgirl experiencing an undead outbreak firsthand. She was probably minding her own business, riding a mechanical bull, in some dark warehouse, or maybe giving a lap dance while some dude admires her tramp stamp, I have no idea, when the zombies burst in. So she got her knife out and got to work because she had this survival kit. Looking fabulous while chopping heads and making the undead dead again. Yippe Ky yay MFer! And that is exactly how you keep your sleezy nightclub free of undead freaks. She’s my new hero. Or is it heroine? She is my new heroine. I plan to take her internally once I find a vein and sleep with my eyes open and a smile on my face as I watch her exploits in my mind.

This kit includes a survival bandanna, survival saw, machete, germicide tablets, survival can, emergency blanket, survival book, first aid book, compass kit, gas mask, and a heavy wooden crate with a locking clasp.

Steampunk Gas Mask Chandelier

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gas mask chandelier
This Steampunk Gas Mask Chandelier is the perfect way to decorate your home during the apocalypse. And if you get attacked by ravenous farting zombies, you can even grab yourself one of the steampunk gas masks if you need to. I might just buy this one to prepare for the end of the world. I can hang it up and name each mask. You gotta have some friends to talk to when it gets lonely. And only losers decorate a soccer ball with sharpie and call it Wilson. Tom Hanks is such an idiot!

“I don’t know. I rather like him.”

You shut up. You shut your dimply basketball hole Spalding!

Post Apocalyptic Steampunk Mickey Mouse Gas Mask

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mickey gas mask
If Disney is to survive the apocalypse, someone is going to have to be Mickey Mouse. Go on. Put the mask on. It is your destiny. Give in to your hate. Feel the merchandising coursing through you. Hear the cries of 10 billion overweight tourists. Feel the power of the dark side.

Or just, you know, wear this thing on Halloween. Or to protect your lungs from Minnie’s farts. She may be a mini-mouse, but those farts are the farts of a 500 pound Scrooge McDuck!

Are You My Mummy?: Apocalypse Doll With Gas Mask And Antlers

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apocalypse dollYou gotta be ready for the apocalypse. For adult humans that means knowing all the stuff that Mad Max knows how to do. Siphon gas, open cans with rocks, start fires with a stick and most importantly knowing how to run like hell when gangs of zombies or dudes in hockey masks chase you for your flesh and goods.

To be apocalypse ready, little baby dolls just need a gas mask and some antlers. Because baby dolls don’t need to do much in the apocalypse, besides look tough, while their owner tucks them under their arm while running, or sets them down beside them on a cliff side while taking a sniper shot at some other dude.

We will all be crazy and crazy people talk to dolls. The antlers make a good carrying handle. Only $135.

“Move your booties. We got company!”