Tag: time travel

Time Traveler Took Picture In The Year 6000 And Shares It With Us

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Time Traveler Took Picture In The Year 6000 And Shares It With Us
An odd video posted online earlier this month shows a guy claiming to be a time traveler and sharing a photo from the future. Apparently all of the future cameras take blurry pics. Or maybe he snapped it while doing 88 MPH with Doc Brown elbowing him cuz the old guy’s eating a future Big Mac. He says that time travel distorts images. I don’t buy it.

The guy’s face and voice are distorted for his protection. He details his experience while sitting at a picnic table in the snow. It’s quite a tale this guy weaves. A real fart-knocker of a tale. I can say that cuz a fart was my only rebuttal to this video. I knocked it out of the park. Cool story bro. Thanks for relieving my intestinal discomfort.
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Time Machines: I’m Going Back To The Future

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Time Machines I'm Going Back To The Future
Roads? Where we’re going we don’t need roads. But that’s just cuz I like to drive on the dirt side of the road. I think of myself as a ditch finder. I hit it so you don’t have to. I do it for the community. In fact, the local cops used to call me the Deuce of Hazard cuz it never looks cool and is always lame. When I found out what that meant, I laughed. Then cried. I’ll show them all when I buy one of Harveygallery’s time machines.

First I’m going back to 1984 when I was 4 pants sizes smaller. Gonna warn myself about the dangers of overeating so it changes the “Now Me” into a thin dude. Then the “Now Me” is gonna pig out and I won’t gain any weight cuz that 1984 sucker did all the work already. I’m gonna chill and enjoy being one of the “not fat” people for awhile, then zip off to the future where I find “Jabba the me” has finally porked out. Then I’m just gonna give up and we can pig out together and shoot the crap. Time machines are sweet!
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Mummified Mouse In A Pocket Watch

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taxidermy mouse pocket watch
Check it out mouseketeers. It’s a genuine Mummified Mouse In A Pocket Watch, all floating there like a rodent Timelord, cranking up the gears of time, like he’s riding some rat bike into infinity and beyond. He’s probably playing the Doctor Who music in his head, squinting as he concentrates his mind powers.

Back…Back…Time…Space…Back to a time before Justin Bieber and Jar Jar Binks. Then when his little gears and levers reach 88 miles per hour this watch burns a hole in some hipster’s pocket and the mouse is off to put right what once went wrong. Hoping each time that his next leap will be the leap home.

*Blue energy everywhere. Pew pew! Crackle! Flash!* Cue Quantum Leap music.

OH BOY!
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Relic From The Future: GI Joe Action Figure Fossil

Artemis Winterford1 Comment

gi joe artifactEverything that you buy and play with today is just going to be dug up in the far future as an ancient artifact, by big-eyed humans with pasty skin. They also have evolved to be a telepathic collective society, but they live in caves because the radiation makes them break out in spores. Yeah, spores. Not hives. Actual mushrooms grow out of their skin. It’s gross. But the telepathy is cool.

Groel, you will never guess what I found.

Uh. I pretty much know already ya dweeb. Our race is connected. Another petrified turd with a tiny man inside I see. Wait. I’m sensing something else. What are you hiding? Open your mind!

Whatevs. That’s right. I farted. Mental high five. Now everybody knows! Turning network olfactory settings ON.

Holy Hell!*ack-cough* We’re dying here.