Check out this Alien Mummy In Coffin. I’m positive it is authentic. No doubts whatsoever. The seller says so. It was supposedly found in the Carpathians in western Ukraine and is the body of an alien child that seems to not be subject to decay. Yep. This is totally the real deal. No question about it. And besides, This Alien Mummy In Coffin does look like one of the little guys who woke me up that night and ran a bunch of anus-related experiments. Fare thee well intergalactic freakazoids and thanks for the Prep-H.
BlindDeadRelics makes Mummified Corpse Head Props that will have you scratching your head. Not your own head, but probably this mummified head. They have a variety of decorative deadheads. This guy looks like he’s deep in thought. Probably wondering how he became a disembodied head. And hoping for some moisturizer.
Hey Yeti can you give me a hand? Thanks. And gross. This Mummified Yeti Hand still has a bunch of hair attached above the wrist. There isn’t any shots of the palm so we don’t know if he was a chronic pee-pee toucher or not, but my theory is that they all are, cuz that’s why they’re so hairy. Dude could definitely use some moisturizer.
Meet Morty, the Mummified Frog Necklace. I’m just guessing that’s his name. He looks like he’s doing a little yoga pose in there. Maybe Downward Frog or… Yeah I don’t know any other yoga poses. I’m about as flexible as a mafia payment plan. Anyway, you’re gonna look croaking in this necklace.
If I see you wearing it, I may even approach you and flirt with you. (Easy with that mace. I’m a good guy.) Maybe make a joke about how you and my tadpole should get together. You’d have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find another prince like me. And that’s nasty,so you might as well just settle. I’ll pick you up at 8.
Fun story: I thought I was an apprentice practicing palmistry for like two years one time. Turns out I was actually doing what they call “shoplifting”. That’s why I don’t trust gypsies. Anyway, now I know better. Palmistry also will not make you go blind, no matter how many times you do it. That’s a common misconception. It is the art of evaluating a person`s character or future by reading the palm of their hand. I plan on buying this Mummified Palmistry Hand and making a fortune.
*Puts on my gypsy gear.* Take your hands from your pockets. Let me see your palm. Hmmmm. I sense that you are a craftsman. Do you work with a saw? I see a horrible accident that has claimed both your hands!
What was your first clue? The fact that my wrists end in stumps? Or that I have no palm to read?
I was right! Yes! Hey- Why does a guy with no palms enter a Palm Reading shop? And how did you turn the doorknob and open the door?
*The hand-less man suddenly sprouts hands from his coat sleeves, and rips off his mask to reveal an old and gnarled woman, cackling like mad.*
