Blood drips from around the edges of this Bleeding Coffin Candle. Oozing, leaking, bleeding. Open the stone lid with fear and trepidation. Are you afraid of death? Are you afraid of the dark? Hope you’re feeling brave tonight! What lies within? Light the flame. Liquid wax burns bright then melts into a solid lake of death, to be melted into the ever after. Much like life, a candle burns brightly for a time before it dwindles into nothingness forever. See, I can be deep when I want to be. Enjoy the light while it lasts! Darkness is imminent once this grisly light burns out. Are you afraid of the dark? I’m not saying I am. Sure I screamed when the lights went out last week, but that’s only because I was so excited. And later it was because I stubbed my toe. Oh my God that hurts! Same thing happened when I saw that mouse. That was more of an eek than a scream though. You know me, I’m excitable. Speaking of cool bleeding coffins, if you like this bleeding coffin candle, check out these cool Bat Wing Coffin necklaces. It doesn’t get better than bats AND coffins in one item.
Tag: vampire
Straight Outta The Coffin T-Shirt
Gang gang! This Straight Outta The Coffin T-Shirt is some serious gang shizz. The coffin gang. Definitely, the bloods then, not the crypts. Wear it and show your colors cuz you know the werewolf gang on the upper east side ain’t playin’ and stuff is about to pop off! They been lifting their legs in our hood and showing disrespect, pissing on every fire hydrant like the dogs they are. It’s war. It’s also starting to really smell bad.
Fresh out of your coffin? Also, check out this Coffin Zen Garden.
Straight Outta The Coffin
Ain’t been out dat often
My and my possie out for blood.
Pants are outta fashion
Like I’m expecting a flood.
Sipping O Negative like it was a positive
From my gothic pimp cup. It’s my prerogative.
Flying through the night with my bat homies
Sucking from the neck of a chick named Naomi.
I ain’t playing no garlic, I ain’t playing no cross.
Gotta make a note so I don’t forget to floss.
Teeth are all filed sharp as a razor.
I’m marking each victim with a mother f***ing laser.
Back to my coffin cuz I’m tired as sh*t
Been drinkin’ all night and it’s time to quit.
Nosferato Vampire Figurine
Damn son. This Nosferato Vampire Figurine needs to be on my castle shelf now! As the kids say, this thing looks sick. He’s just waking up from a long nap, wiping the cobwebs off his head, shaking that stake out of his chest, and stretching his wings. He’s looking a little gaunt. Get this dude some blood stat! That means right away people. Let’s go! We have a dry vampire here. We need plasma now. Speaking of vampires, check out this Vampire Heart Necklace. Because we all heart vampires. You know you love them. I’ve seen your I heart vampires bumper sticker. It’s cool, I have one too. Give this Nosferato Vampire Figurine a home.
Nosferatu
Goes by Ross Feratu
Sleeping in da day
Partying at night
If you tussle with this mother***ker
You know he gonna bite!
Word!
Nosferatu’s Hand Belt Buckle
Nosferatu’s veiny and ring-fingered hand hovering over my junk? That doesn’t sound like a good time to me, but if you want a vampire’s hand to hover over your wooden stake, then this Nosferatu’s Hand Belt Buckle is for you. Nosferatu is a weird name. I used to have a friend named Josh Feratu, who liked to have a nosh feratu, but he was stinky and in need of a wash feratu. Oh my gosh feratu!
And this is why you don’t send an idiot to do a blogger’s job. Way too late for that. This idiot has been in charge the whole time. And this idiot doesn’t need some Vampire Nightstalker’s hand over his business to feel manly. My own hand will do just fine, thanks. Well, I didn’t mean it like that. Well, I didn’t, but now that I think about it… Could be fun.
Unhand my manhood Nosferatu! This Nosferatu’s Hand Belt Buckle is getting freaky with me. It does go with the Nosferatu jacket though. Anyway, I just rubbed my man junk in garlic so the joke’s on you belt buckle. And on that guy in the next urinal who nearly passed out when I unzipped my fly.
Vampire Heart Necklace
I love this Vampire Heart Necklace. For real. And I don’t have any “stake” in the company. You know what this Vampire’s favorite song is? “Shot through the heart and you’re to blame…” You know what his favorite TV channel is? Spike TV. Of course. His cholesterol used to be good, but now he definitely has clogged arteries. He suffered a heart attack for real.