Ahhhh. This skeleton has had a hard day and now he’s relaxing in a nice hot bath in a cauldron. A cauldron filled with hot wax! That’s just the way he likes it. This Skeleton Bathing Halloween Candle is fun and frightening, which is my favorite combination. I bet his name is John Wick. That’s a little candle joke. I could wax on all day about this cool and creepy candle. *Hey creepbay writer, I bet you wax off all day!* Stupid hecklers. They are even worse when they are in your head and you actually type out the heckle. Anyway, this skeleton is pretty well behaved with both hands out of the water. So you know he’s not waxing off. Wait a minute. Look where that flame is. Does this dude have a flaming peen? It almost looks like he’s using magic to ignite his prone bone. He’s singing, “Come on baby light my fire.” I know, I have a strange way of looking at the world. What can you do? It’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I’m riding that line baby and it won’t be long until I’m off the rails! I’m as crazy as this coffin skeleton candle.
Tag: candle
Bleeding Coffin Candle – AKA Vampire Waterbed
Blood drips from around the edges of this Bleeding Coffin Candle. Oozing, leaking, bleeding. Open the stone lid with fear and trepidation. Are you afraid of death? Are you afraid of the dark? Hope you’re feeling brave tonight! What lies within? Light the flame. Liquid wax burns bright then melts into a solid lake of death, to be melted into the ever after. Much like life, a candle burns brightly for a time before it dwindles into nothingness forever. See, I can be deep when I want to be. Enjoy the light while it lasts! Darkness is imminent once this grisly light burns out. Are you afraid of the dark? I’m not saying I am. Sure I screamed when the lights went out last week, but that’s only because I was so excited. And later it was because I stubbed my toe. Oh my God that hurts! Same thing happened when I saw that mouse. That was more of an eek than a scream though. You know me, I’m excitable. Speaking of cool bleeding coffins, if you like this bleeding coffin candle, check out these cool Bat Wing Coffin necklaces. It doesn’t get better than bats AND coffins in one item.
Dill Pickle Scented Alien Head Candle
So what’s the big dill? This Dill Pickle scented Alien head candle, that’s what. Why dill? Why the hell not? For all I know that’s what they probe you with. That would be quite a pickle. Definitely not an i-dill situation. Anyway, if you want the sweet scent of dill while staring at a burning alien head you might be high and if not you can have that experience right here with this strange Scented Alien Head Candle. It doesn’t probe my bung-hole so much as it blows my mind.
Now I’m gonna open up a jar of pickles and put them in briefcases so we can all play dill or no deal like I was Howie Man-dill. That would be my I-dill Friday night anyway. That show is a vlasic. I mean a classic. And I think I just ran out of pickle jokes. It had to happen sooner or later. Nothing lasts forever. Not even a green alien head candle burning brightly while emitting the sweet scent of pickles. Which are just elderly cucumbers if we are being honest. If I sound drunk it’s because I am. I’ve been downing loads of this Alien Beer. It is not pickle flavored.
Black Krampus Bell Candle
This Black Krampus Bell Candle is a classy way to decorate your home for the holidays while letting a little Krampus into your life. It’s shaped like an antique sleigh bell. Classy AF. Now its lit in here. That’s what the kids say. Maybe Krampus will show up and steal your kids, putting them in a sack. You never know. You aren’t ready for Christmas until you have one of these lit in honor of the Krampus man.
Creepy Baby Head Candles
Holy f**k! These Creepy Baby Head Candles are some serious nightmare fuel. Oh hello, baby Hannibal Lector. Glad ya got that faceguard in so you don’t eat my flesh. Basically, you creep me the hell out so excuse me while I light your wick and watch your baby face melt. There’s also a version where the baby’s brain is exposed. I’m burning all of these down so they can’t hurt anyone ever again. It reminds me of general custer, but his head is much bigger and in a box.