This Creepy Creeper Black-Eyed Leather Journal must be what all those black eyed children use for a diary.
Dear Diary,
Today I knocked on someone’s door and acted all creepy.I asked to come in and the guy was like “Oh hell no!” and slammed the door in my face. Then I knocked on another door. And another. And another. It is so hard to find a soul to devour and I am oh so hungry. Maybe if I tried a place with no doors, I wouldn’t have to ask permission before eating a person’s soul. *sigh*
And I ran. I ran so far away. I just- Oh wait. That’s a Flock of Seagulls. This is a Flock Of Ravens For Your Wall. What’s the name for a flock of Ravens? An unkindness, a murder, a gaggle, a giggle, a gander, a curiosity, a regiment? I have no idea. I just know that these ravens are gonna make your wall look like an army of birds are materializing through your wall.
That’s crazy. Feather-pluckin weird if ya ask me. I don’t know what everyone’s raven about?
I tell time the H.P. Lovecraft way, with this Cthulhu Lava Hourglass. What time is it? It’s half past Cthulu’s ass and a quarter to his balls. It doesn’t matter what time you ask me, that’s always the time. This hourglass is lava-ly. I mean lovely.
The lava slowly counts down to a dark awakening that spells our doom.
I don’t have any skeletons in my closet. Except for this Skeletons in the Closet Coaster Set. That’s probably because I don’t get much company. You should always keep your skeletons in your closet. I mean, skeletons, right? People see skeletons outside of your closet and they think you’re a killer. Yeah, a killer decorator! Nobody understands my love of the creepy!
“This bed could save your life during an earthquake.” Check out the video below and see if you agree that this doomsday bunker bed can save your life.
I sleep with my arms all stretched out, so thank God I will be saved from the earthquake, even if it will cut off my arms like a limb guillotine, and leave me a quadriplegic, just laying there, trapped in a box and listening to my alarm which will never ever stop as I die in what is essentially a piss-filled dumpster.
Read more “Creepy Earthquake Doomsday Bunker Bed”