This is a video of russian portable toilets, so hungry for poo and pee that they are chasing people in central Moscow. Serious end-times stuff. I’m pretty sure that Nostradamus predicted this. These fast-moving blue port-a-potties can be seen sliding across Red Square, ironically not leaving skid marks anywhere. Not sure if these toilets actually scooped anyone up to forcibly evacuate their bowels or not, but they were in a real Russia. Ha ha. That counts as toilet humor right?
So this guy in Alpharetta, Georgia was pulled over for speeding on Sunday afternoon and guess what? Dude had an Alien riding shotgun in the car. The car was clocked at 84 mph. Duh! It takes 88 to get the alien tech known as the Flux Capacitor to kick in, so that your ride turns into a UFO and you zip on out of here. Or become one with a tree. The tech isn’t that great to be honest. Dude was just trying to get ET back to his home planet. Only 4 miles off. My heart goes out to the now stranded outer space rim-prober. Now he’s stuck with us nut jobs forever.
This is some whacked shizz right here. This thing looks like I feel after a hard night of nothing but Cheetos and alcohol. Residents of Lady Frere, S. Africa, blame bestiality and witchcraft,which is what I always blame too. A sheep gave birth to this thing and all of the villagers are pretty upset. Pitchforks and torches are selling like hot cakes. Also hot cakes are selling like hot cakes, cuz they are delicious. It looks like it is half man, half sheep, all pudge. I thought it was a new Pokemon at first from a new game called Pokemon NO. You can check out more pics of this half human half beast at the link below cuz I can’t look any more.
A mom claims that she spotted a ghost baby climbing into the bed of her 18-month-old son and lying next to him on a baby monitor.
First of all, let me just say that it was late, I was stumbling home and got the wrong house. I thought I was laying down next to my teddy bear. I did think that it was odd that Teddy smelled like s**t and piss, but since I always smell that way, I don’t judge. Also odd that I now had a crib, but whatevs. Stuff happens. Sorry about all the puke. Also, I was glowing cuz I ordered the “full fukushima” at the local bar. The good news is, the more you pee, the more that glow goes away. The bad news is it has a half life of 5 days.
But the 39-year-old mum-of-four said when they checked the monitor they were horrified to spot a ‘ghost baby’ sleeping next to their tiny son. Laura said she also saw the chilling figure appear to wave at things in Sebastian’s room at their home in Plymouth, Devon.
Ghost baby? I mean, I am about Danny Devito height, but ghost baby? Really? Of course I was waving. I was trying to wave the stink away cuz Teddy Ruxpin was crapping himself and I was puking myself. Also pissing radiation like Chernobyl. It smelled like rotten Taiwanese garbage stuffed inside of roadkill. Sorry for the all the confusion. I just stumbled home after a few minutes.
Some guys get f**ked by aliens and just use some hemorrhoid cream and try to forget about it. Others feel lonely and hug their pillow for like a year. Not this guy. 72-year-old painter David Huggins paints paintings about it. He lost his virginity at seventeen to an “alien hybrid” named Crescent, and sired “over fifty hybrid-alien children”. Sounds legit. At least he doesn’t have to pay child intergalactic support. Should have used an intergalactic prophylactic.
He was walking through a forest in Georgia towards a lake. He saw her sitting next to a tree. Crescent had a perfectly normal human appearance except for her head—her pale, pointed face had large black eyes and she was wearing a wig. They both disrobed and he soon lost his virginity.
Sounds like an epic love story. Thanks to Crescent the space-milf, now David is the subject of an upcoming documentary called Love and Saucers, which you can check out below. Personally, I would have called it I love Uranus, Uranus love me, but I wasn’t consulted. Read more “This Guy Lost His Virginity To Aliens, Now He Paints About It”
