Antique Blown Glass Sperm Christmas Ornament

sperm christmas ornamentDon’t let this thing wiggle it’s way into one of your egg shaped ornaments or you’re going to have a new life form in the new year. Great. Another mouth to feed.

Look at how bare that tree is. Three branches and some sperm. That’s Christmas folks. It’s been fun.

Just Put The Knife Down And Nobody Gets Hurt: Haunted Elf On Shelf Doll

elf on the shelfYou see that Elf on a Shelf doll? The one holding the knife? Well, it was recently sold to some poor idiot for a Best offer of somewhere under $39.99 on Ebay. The seller was selling it because as soon as she took the elf off the shelf and put it away, strange stuff started happening. Let this be a lesson to us all. KEEP THE ELF ON THE SHELF! Or else!
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“Ugly Leg Fat Lady Thighs Made For Leg Lamp But Too Ugly”

leg lampYes, that is the title of this Ebay auction from cousinjethro. Where the leg lamp from A Christmas Story was “Indescribably beautiful”, this one not so much.
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