Tag: fat

Santa The Hutt Shows Up At A San Francisco Fashion Store

Artemis Winterford1 Comment

Santa The Hutt Shows Up At A San Francisco Fashion Store
I’m only posting this because I’ve gotten like 10 emails asking if I quit the blog to be a full time Jolly Fat Guy. The answer is no. It’s not me. This guy here is morbidly obese, I just strive for being mediocre obese. At best. So everybody just calm down. Enough Santa mail people. I don’t care if you’ve been naughty or nice. I ain’t coming to town! I’ll go to town on a bag of Doritos though…

Santa The Hutt here is located at the flagship store of Betabrand, a crowdfunding platform for designer clothes. Does he make you want to buy clothes? It looks like he can’t even fit in his own. Do you have any idea how long it is going to take a man of this girth to deliver gifts on Christmas Eve? Let’s just say he’s stopping the sleigh at every border for a puke and some gasping wheezing.

If I can make one suggestion to this overflowing Santa, it would be to shave that runway under his belly button. That’s just wrong.
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Hibernate With This Sleeping Grizzly Bear Bean Bag

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sleeping bear bean bag
Some days you get the bear and some days the bear gets you. Some days you just lay down with the bear and roll around like a couple goofballs and hope to hell your buddy doesn’t rip your spleen out or take your face off.

This Sleeping Grizzly Bear Bean Bag looks pretty obese. That means he’s a good cuddler. At least that’s why my wife says I’m so cuddly. This fat bear is not just for sitting on. He’ll keep you warm even on the coldest night. And if he doesn’t I’ll just turn my lightsaber on and cut into his belly and climb in until a snowspeeder spots me in the morning. Then I’ll spend like 4 hours in a bacta tank recovering. It won’t be long before I head to the Dagobah system to train as a Jedi. Go me!
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“Ugly Leg Fat Lady Thighs Made For Leg Lamp But Too Ugly”

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leg lampYes, that is the title of this Ebay auction from cousinjethro. Where the leg lamp from A Christmas Story was “Indescribably beautiful”, this one not so much.
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75 Pound Two Year Old Creepin’ It Up In 1940

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obese kidThis porky little fellow has a pair of six guns and at least a 30 inch waist. Here’s an old photo of little Charlie Hudson, a two year old who tipped the scales at 75 pounds. Doctors said he had the physique of a 6 year old. He’s very rolly-polly, jolly and kinda creepy.
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