I don’t care what these Unnameable Horrors Playing Cards say, horrors have names and those are the names of my ex wives. Anyway, these are cool playing cards. They have unspeakable horrors on them. Well, I’m speaking about them now. Bringing it all into the light. Let’s talk about this stuff. It combines the horrors of H.P. Lovecraft with your next poker tournament. It is a limited edition of only 3000 decks.
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Grinding Skeleton Piggy Bank Money Box
This Grinding Skeleton Piggy Bank makes saving money weird and fun. He’s not grinding like rubbing up against you on the dance floor. I think he might be grinding herbs if you know what I mean. I have no idea. It’s just fun to see a skeleton do stuff while you get rich one coin at a time. When you put in a coin, the skeleton will move and emit “horrible ghost cries”. That sold me.
Terror Trifecta – Triple Skeleton Chandelier
This Triple Skeleton Chandelier is a triple threat. They want to be your 3 dead amigos while lighting your home. Lighting and frighting is what they do. They have lights in their bony hands and lights coming out of their craniums. They’re pretty damn terrifying if I’m honest. Plus, I just keep thinking that if I buy this, I better hang it high enough because otherwise I’m gonna be hitting my head on those pelvises. This chandelier is perfect for your haunted house and might make a not haunted house haunted.
Just Wrong – Flashing LED Eyelashes
These Flashing LED Eyelashes are not futuristic, not cool looking and they have wires going over your ears that look like wire hangers and it makes them look like glasses for your eyelashes. Also you have to wear a motion sensor on the back of your head for them to work, so… Futuristic Cyborg fail! This is what you wear when you want to absolutely, positively keep the opposite sex away from you. Forever. Yeah, you will never know sex again. And no, I’m not going to explain it to you. I’m too busy having the sex and can’t stop. Won’t stop. Cuz my eyelashes bring all the girls to the yard.
Introducing ZooPoo – Animal Poop In A Can
ZooPoo. That’s fun to say. ZooPoo. Basically it’s animal poo in a can. Even though animals don’t use the can. You can get Kangaroo crap, Rhino releases, Elephant Ewww, Gorilla guacamole and many more. It’s the worst part of a zoo. In a can. Each can is full of it. Literally. Full of composted manure.