Tag: chocolate

Fatally Yours Gourmet Chocolate Box

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Fatally Yours Gourmet Chocolate Box
Sorry I’m a month late, but here’s your Valentine’s day gift. See why I am forever alone? This Fatally Yours Gourmet Chocolate Box makes an awesome gift. As long as it’s not late. Things are always better when they’re not late. Like bills and periods. This box is full of chocolate skulls, bones, coffins, and anatomically-correct hearts. Order one early for next year so you aren’t late. These chocolates look diabolical and delicious.

Funny story. When I first saw the name of these chocolates I thought it said Fetally yours. I was disappointed that it wasn’t full of cute little chocolate fetuses, some with creamy nougat filling, some with almonds… But you know how I like weird stuff.
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Day Of The Dead Chocolate Skulls

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Day Of The Dead Chocolate Skulls
Check out these cute Day Of The Dead Chocolate Skulls. They look all dead and delicious. You get 10 chocolate skulls that are hand brushed with an edible “luster dust”. I have no idea what that is, but I love saying it. Luster Dust. Luster Dust. Luster Dust. *POOF! CLOUD OF SMOKE* Oh sweet! A free chocolate skull just appeared. Now it’s gone cuz I ate it. That luster dust ain’t no joke. Friggin’ delicious! It has just the right amount of luster in the dust. Tastes great. They may be dead, but my taste buds are alive!

Gonna go freak out cuz I’m basically 5 years old and can’t hold my sugar. Can you hold this for me? *hands you mu sugar* Thanks. I’ll be right back. *Runs off screaming*

Candy Shop Of Horrors

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Candy Shop Of Horrors
Etsy seller GeorgiaPeachdesigns has a real candy shop of horrors, where all of the sugary treats have teeth and bad attitudes. Hey, am I biting you or are you biting me? Stop biting me while I savor your sweetness. This stuff is delicious, but every time I shop here and eat this stuff, my tongue gets all bloody and cut up.

Screw you horror candy. You’re supposed to be a Hershey’s kiss, not a Hershey’s death wish! And you won’t get to the center of that Tootsie Pop. It will bite to the center of you!

Nah. You don’t really eat ’em. They’re earrings and stuff. Frightening!
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12 Chocolate Caramel Toffee Skulls

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Chocolate Caramel Toffee Skulls
12 Chocolate Caramel Toffee Skulls. All around a table. The fate of one man in their hands. What will they decide? Is he innocent. Or guilty of murder? It’s so tense!

That’s 12 Angry men you idiot!

Oh. Well… You don’t know they aren’t angry. And delicious. They look like Skeletor after he fell asleep for like 10 hours in a tanning bed.

Chocolate Tools

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chocolate tools
Everybody needs some chocolate tools in their toolbox. These tools are made from chocolate. So if you have a screw loose and need a chocolate fix, grab a wrench and shove it in your mouth. The wife wants to know how the plumbing is coming along. *yelling* Just fine dear. *Om nom nom nom* Nothing going on in here. *Nom nom* Everything is just fine. *door opens*

Hi dear.

WHAT is all over your mouth and face? Have you been sneaking chocolate again?

Um….Blew in the sewer pipe…Had some uh… blowback. Toilet is working now. If you’ll excuse me, I’ll just pack up what’s left of my tools and be off. Good day.
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