Tag: lollipop

Candy Shop Of Horrors

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Candy Shop Of Horrors
Etsy seller GeorgiaPeachdesigns has a real candy shop of horrors, where all of the sugary treats have teeth and bad attitudes. Hey, am I biting you or are you biting me? Stop biting me while I savor your sweetness. This stuff is delicious, but every time I shop here and eat this stuff, my tongue gets all bloody and cut up.

Screw you horror candy. You’re supposed to be a Hershey’s kiss, not a Hershey’s death wish! And you won’t get to the center of that Tootsie Pop. It will bite to the center of you!

Nah. You don’t really eat ’em. They’re earrings and stuff. Frightening!
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Creature Eyes Lollipops

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Creature Eyes Lollipops
These Creature Eyes Lollipops are scary delicious. I see an eye of newt, an eye of Sauron, an eye of the tiger(Gotta work hard to suck that one all the way down. Bonus joke: That’s what she said!) and an eye of horus.

All in favor say eye. *Slams eye lollipop gavel down hard.* The eyes have it. This meeting is adjourned. No wonder we never get anything done.
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Realistic Animal Lollipops

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realistic animal lollipops
These Realistic Animal Lollipops were created by Amezaiku artist Shinri Tezuka. Amezaiku is the Japanese craft of lollipop-making, which dates back to the 700s. Wow, humans have been sucking for a long time. I thought it was just the younger generation. You learn something new everyday. And then you forget it, because you get distracted by other weird stuff.

So Shinri Tezuka makes realistic lollipops for the suckers who visit his Tokyo shop. Hey, that’s what they are. Me? I don’t suck mine, I like to lick it all day long and savor it. Hey! What’s so funny? I like lollipops. I take my time. Unlike that Tootsie Pop Owl.

How many licks does it take to get to the center of your goldfish pop? Let’s find out. a-one *lick* a-two *lick* three *chomp* What in the seven kingdoms of candy hell? That’s a real goldfish!
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Planetary Lollipops: I Call Uranus!

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outer space lollipops
These Planetary Lollipops mix hard candy with hard science. Mostly not. Mostly it’s your mouth acting like a black hole as you lick and devour every planet into nothingness. Imagine what a gooey delight the Earth is going to be with all of the chewy nougat that is the sea life and people and animals. Yummy. And Uranus? I can only imagine how good that will taste. I- Haha. Walked right into that one.

Hey, you’re not allowed to laugh at me. Only I’m allowed to laugh at me. At least I didn’t say the molten core of Uranus tasted good running over my tongue. I was saving that for Saturn.

Anyway this is probably the only time it will ever be safe to eat Mercury and if you want to see Jupiter Ascending, watch it ascend into your mouth.