Hey baby. You are looking sweet as bubble gum and twice as sticky. Eh, that didn’t come out right. Just let me nibble on your ear a little. Other girls are Bubble Gum, but you are Bubble Yum.
Say what? I don’t know why you always lose an earring at my place. *blows a bubble* You may lose an earring, but the backside of your dress gains a sticky gum wad. *light smack on your fanny* Now git along now.
These Murder Weapon earrings from Etsy seller PlumeriaMAccessories make murder weapons fashionable. You can choose from a Butcher’s Knife, Axe and a Hack Saw.
Murder them with fashion. Each of the weapons are nice and bloody as if little psychos had used them to hack someone to pieces, before you hung them on your ears. Only $7.13. Click through for the other versions.
Read more “If Looks Could Kill: Murder Weapon Earrings”
Look at this. The miracle of life on each ear. What was that? Sorry, I couldn’t hear you since all sound waves are deflected off of my twin fetuses dangling from my ears as if swaying on their own umbilical cords.
Weeeee. Mommy is taking you for a wild ride today. First it’s off to Baskin and Robbins, because I deserve it and I have a spare cubbyhole where my butt meets my thigh, that needs to be filled with human-consumptive fat-wax. Then it’s off to the gym to work off yesterdays scandalous B and R rendezvous with raspberry. After that, it’s two hours of rom com on Netflix and then we’re off to the bar. If I play my cards right, I might just have another baby on board. For reals this time.
These body part earrings make quite a statement. They say, “I want- No, I NEED more ears than anyone else. But I only want to dig wax out of two of them.” These earrings are eerie. Get it? Don’t ya just lobe them?
Personal log. Stardate: who the f knows because I sleep in everyday until dark and can’t see the clock radio through the laundry pile… Speaking of ear wax, I’ve just shoved the Q-tip in too far. Again. My attempt at getting enough wax to make an ear wax candle for my Etsy shop is not going well. Not at all. And the voices in my head have started again….
Shhhhhhhh.
Nevermind. False alarm. That was just talk radio being filtered through two pairs of crusty underwear. Is something moving in that pile. *grabs a baseball bat* I’ll be back.