Tag: earrings

Spider Earrings

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Spider Earrings
Do you like Spider Earrings? You’ll love these. They will turn you into a red-eyed zombie spider queen who shambles along looking for bodies to wrap in cocoons so she can feast later.

The next pics below show her on her lying on the floor stunned after my level 20 D and D rogue encountered her in a dungeon and laid the smack down with my bow staff. She had already hypnotized the rest of the party with her “red-eye” spider powers. Naturally, I searched the body and opened the treasure chest nearby, but I got nothing.

So we took the earrings as a trophy. I have a feeling we have not seen the last of that red-eyed vixen.
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Candy Shop Of Horrors

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Candy Shop Of Horrors
Etsy seller GeorgiaPeachdesigns has a real candy shop of horrors, where all of the sugary treats have teeth and bad attitudes. Hey, am I biting you or are you biting me? Stop biting me while I savor your sweetness. This stuff is delicious, but every time I shop here and eat this stuff, my tongue gets all bloody and cut up.

Screw you horror candy. You’re supposed to be a Hershey’s kiss, not a Hershey’s death wish! And you won’t get to the center of that Tootsie Pop. It will bite to the center of you!

Nah. You don’t really eat ’em. They’re earrings and stuff. Frightening!
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Push Pin Earrings

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push pin earrings
Whoever invented these push pin earrings must have thought to themselves, “I use them to attach notes to my corkboard, but what I really want is to shove them in people’s ears!” Sounds legit to me.

*Heads over to my corkboard. Pierces my own ear with a push pin. Cries like a baby for 10 minutes* Hey honey, look at me. I got a cool push pin for an earring. All the cool kids are doing it.

*Wife grabs me by the ear and drags me back to the corkboard. Pins my ear to the corkboard. Ignores my screams as you stretches my other ear to the cork and attaches that one too.* “Idiot!” *Wife walks away.*

Honey, I’m stuck. The pain! The pain! Did you use super glue. Yep. I smell glue! Hey, I have to pee!

Fashionably Creepy: Tick Earrings

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tick earringsTick earrings. Is your skin crawling yet? Man, I hate these damn dirty bloodsuckers. Ticks are natures Vampires and if they attach themselves to your skin and start sucking, all you can do is kill them with fire. That usually means having your friend light a match while you are both freaking out and having that friend burn you over and over again while completely missing nature’s bloodsucking demon. Can we get this damn thing off of me or are you tattooing me with FIRE?

When you do finally burn these freaks of nature, they let go and get the hell off! Usually leaving you worried about having some kind of horrible disease. Thanks nature! This is why I stay inside and play video games.

They really tick me off!
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Underwear Earrings: Briefs, Not Boxers

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Underwear EarringsUnderwear that’s fun to wear. For your ears. It even has that little wiener door, just like real underwear. Some guys just use the window, meaning they pull their underwear down to drain the dragon. I prefer the door, because it’s more dramatic when a dragon bursts through the door, throwing splinters everywhere and letting out a mighty roar.

Ok, ok. So mine is not so much a dragon as it is a dragonfly. Anyway, it’s not the size, it’s what you do with your wings. Am I right girls? …Girls? Any insect lovers in the audience? I do this thing where I hover, then move, and hover again.