Tag: horror

Nosferatu’s Hand Belt Buckle

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Nosferatu's Hand Belt Buckle
Nosferatu’s veiny and ring-fingered hand hovering over my junk? That doesn’t sound like a good time to me, but if you want a vampire’s hand to hover over your wooden stake, then this Nosferatu’s Hand Belt Buckle is for you. Nosferatu is a weird name. I used to have a friend named Josh Feratu, who liked to have a nosh feratu, but he was stinky and in need of a wash feratu. Oh my gosh feratu!

And this is why you don’t send an idiot to do a blogger’s job. Way too late for that. This idiot has been in charge the whole time. And this idiot doesn’t need some Vampire Nightstalker’s hand over his business to feel manly. My own hand will do just fine, thanks. Well, I didn’t mean it like that. Well, I didn’t, but now that I think about it… Could be fun.

Unhand my manhood Nosferatu! This Nosferatu’s Hand Belt Buckle is getting freaky with me. It does go with the Nosferatu jacket though. Anyway, I just rubbed my man junk in garlic so the joke’s on you belt buckle. And on that guy in the next urinal who nearly passed out when I unzipped my fly.

Enamel Cobweb Collar Points – Creepy Couture

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Enamel Cobweb Collar Points
Dust off your collars you sexy goth girls and make room for these Enamel Cobweb Collar Points. So sexy. So spider webby. So on point. You get the point I’m making here? Oh what a tangled web you weave. On your collar. This is the sharpest looking thing to ever exit a spider’s butt. Unless it ate glass or something. You never know. Spiders are a weird lot. Anyway… That is some creepy-couture right there. A great axe-cessory. A touch of Goth if you will. (Usually a touch of goth for me ends with me in a sleeper hold and told to mind my hands.) Perfect for you mavins of macabre and frightening fashionistas. These points are on point. In a very pointed way. The Pointer sisters would approve. I’ve pointed the way to fashion. Now all you have to do is collar up with these Cobweb Collar Points baby. And I just pointed you right to ’em like a pointer dog. He heh. These jokes never got old. (Dusts some mold off of that last joke while you aren’t looking.) These things make your collar look like an old dusty house. In a good way.

Get you some style Goth girls.

Creepy Valentines Day Cards – Coffin Cards

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Creepy Valentines Day Cards - Coffin Cards
These Valentines Day cards are coffin cards and are a great way to celebrate Valentine’s Day. The seller makes all kinds of gothic and creepy cards for all occasions. They all look amazing. This one says I’m Batty For You. That’s why this one is going out to all of our readers because it’s true. I’m also bratty for you. And fatty for you, since I ate the candy I was going to give you. Just open this chilling card, write your message inside and send it off to your Valentine. Your batty valentine. Preferably valentines day cards should be sent by bat. If you don’t have a bat, the mailman will have to do. Maybe glue some bat wings to his uniform when he turns to go.

People don’t send enough cards these days. Darn kids. All they want to do is smash on their tic tocs with some guy name Liga Johnson. I just don’t get it. What I do get is that these are some cool greeting cards. Or are they bleeting cards? Bats bleet right? That’s a word right? That’s a thing. I think. Well, it’s a thing now. Send one to someone you love today.

Hardcover Lycanthropy Book – Werewolf Lore

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Hardcover Lycanthropy Book - Werewolf Lore
A Concise Treatise on Lycanthropy. That’s too many big words for me already. But if I did have a higher than 3rd-grade reading level, I would totally love this Hardcover Lycanthropy Book. Cuz it’s about werewolves. Duh! They say it’s an exclusive reprint of the original work by Count Andreas Shibilis, lost King of the Gypsies. Well, la-de-da!

I had no idea the gypsies even had a king. That must be the guy in the biggest caravan. How does he know so much about werewolves? Cuz he is one! Only a wolfman could have so much knowledge about Lycanthropy that he writes a hardcover lycanthropy book. What, does he think we’re stupid? String him up, boys! Don’t let him live till the next full moon! What do you man it’s tonight?

Get that hairy gypsy wolfman! Gather up all your silver to meltdown for bullets. Why do you people only have silver-plated stuff? This is gonna take forever. Ow. Something bit me. Was it the wolf? Or that weird gypsy kid who likes to bite ankles. We’re all gonna die! *falls down crying*.

Skull Cigar Ashtray – Smoke ‘Em If Ya Got ‘Em

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Skull Cigar Ashtray - Smoke 'Em If Ya Got 'Em
What noble creatures we humans are. We create, we reach for the stars, we- Did you just dump your cigar ash in that Skull Cigar Ashtray? Have you no shame sir? No decency? Some dude’s brain used to be in there. Oh well. I guess he ain’t using it.

I do need a candy dish and candy sure would look good in that cranium. An everlasting gobstopper in each eye hole would give him that surprised look. Then I could lick the eyeballs all day and hopefully not get caught. I don’t know though. This skull cigar ashtray is looking at me weird. He’s kind of an ash-hole.