Hickory Dickory Dock, a rat just died in my clock. So that’s where that smell is from. Now I have a rat clock. It is always rat o’clock. Why is it holding that baby? I have no idea. Must have snatched it and tried to make a getaway, but he was out of time. Speaking of the time, I have an appointment at half-past rat-a-twoey and it’s already 1:45. What time is it now? You know what they say. It’s half-past a rat’s ass and a quarter to his balls. Forever.
Tag: horror
Rib Cage Earrings – Nice Ribs You Have There
These Rib Cage Earrings let you wear your ribs on your ears. I’m not even ribbin’ you. Sorry, I took too much Nyquil and my mind is in a frog. Ribbit. Come to think of it, Rib Cage is an awesome name. Works for naughty movies, wrestling, and action heroes. A lot better than Nic Cage. And if that action hero is Scottish? He’s McRib Cage. Which is how they round up McRibs for those awesome sandwiches. I’m off to get more Nyquil.
Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark Coasters
These Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark Coasters are freaking me out man. Too terrifying. These tales are chilling, even blood curdling. Stories like… Tax time! *screams* Or… Your furnace is going to cost you 4 grand to fix! *sobbing on the floor. Make it stop. No more. No more.* Truly scary stories in the dark or in the light. Or even in candlelight. *shudders* Someone hold me.
Fingerboy Horror Sculpture
Check out the Fingerboy Horror Sculpture. I give it the finger. Which is actually a ringing endorsement. I think the price is too high though. I would go for the 5 finger discount. He looks like somebody punched a baby all cartoon-like. You kids today and your violent art. Is that snot? Well, that’s the least of his problems. He’s got more than enough fingers to pick his boogers anyway. He’s got enough fingers to pick a booger with each and load em up and flick ’em machine-gun style.
I want him on my side in the next great war.
Guillotine Garden Pick – Off With Your Plant’s Head
Scare the green off your plants with this Guillotine Garden Pick. Do you say gee-a-teen or gill-a-teen. The proper way to say it is gee-a-teen. Either way, if your house plants displease you, just bring this thing out and they will fall in line. It is the perfect accessory for any gothling who has a green thumb, but black nail polish. Which is half of my audience. I have a cactus who could use a good dose of fear from this Guillotine Garden Pick. I’m sick of getting stabbed every time I water it. I mean, you can’t even give a cactus a good smack.