Tag: jewelry

Swarovski Crystal Skull Earrings

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Swarovski Crystal Skull Earrings
Wow, look at those crystal skull earrings. Back off Indy, that’s mine! I’m gonna sell it for a fortune and buy a small island. *Knees Indy in his 70 year old junk and watches as he falls down a trap pit. Then I swing into action, clutching a jungle vine and snatch these Swarovski Crystal Skull Earrings off of the lovely lady who is no longer wearing them and jump into a waiting jeep.* So pretty. Such a rare treasure! What the? *Indy drops behind me as I’m racing down a tight road on the side of a cliff. He gives me a choke hold, so I elbow him in the ribs and send him flying over the cliff.* Haha. Sucker. *Reaches into my pocket where the earrings are missing.* Nooooooooooo. *Jumps out of the car and over the cliff after him.*

Two adventurers died that day and the treasure was lost again. You see what happens when you interfere Indy? This is why I can’t have nice things.
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Ouija Board Necklace

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Ouija Board Necklace
You know what two hands and a spirit board are? The devil’s playground. Well, technically the devil’s playground is a burning lot with a sliding board full of needles, Hitler’s dog pissing everywhere, a merry go round made of barbed wire and a jungle gym made of human body parts. But I digress. If you’re brave enough to commune with spirits, then you are brave enough to wear this Ouija Board Necklace.

It already has two hands, so that when your boobies bounce around, it will look like those hands are flying around the board. Which I like, to be honest. Before you buy, I could demonstrate with your chest and my own hands. No? You sure? Right. I should probably just leave before the police get here.

Screech Owl Skull Necklace

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Screech Owl Skull Necklace
Give a hoot, wear a Screech Owl Skull Necklace. I knew you would like it, cuz we’re birds of a feather. Can I get a “who who”? Can I get a “hoot hoot”? I say who, you say who. Together we say who who! This bird skull necklace is owl ta this world!

Seriously, these bird skulls are gonna look good with that outfit you have on.
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3D Anatomical Brain Necklace – 50 Shades Of Gray Matter

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3D Anatomical Brain Necklace - 50 Shades Of Gray Matter
Brains! Brains! It’s what zombies and scarecrows on yellow brick roads crave! This 3D Anatomical Brain Necklace makes quite the fashion statement. If you have any brains at all, you know that. I can feel my neural pathways opening up just looking at it. I is smart! What? You don’t think so? Shut up or I’ll brain ya, ya numbskull! My IQ is 190 over 100. Wait, that’s my blood pressure. I think I may be in a coma and not even typing this at all. I’ll get back to you on that as soon as I’m sure I’m in my body.

Feel so weightless. rising toward the light. Wow. Pretty fluffy clouds and sexy women playing harps. Those gates are very pearly. I wonder if they sell dirty mags in there. Uh-oh. Falling. Falling fast. Getting hot real quick!

Undead Zombie Hands Ring

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Undead Zombie Hands Ring
Any zombies in the house? Raise your hands! You in the back. Your hand just fell off. Some skin on your cheek too. Show of zombie hands, who wants this awesome Undead Zombie Hands Ring? Umm, look it’s hard to count you guys when your limbs keep falling off. And some of you are raising some hands that have already fallen off of other people. Some of you are raising feet. Whatever. I lost count. It’s really not worth it. Just wanted to show you all this cool ring, but half of you don’t have a ring finger. Guy in back who just raised a weiner in the air, I know the difference between a finger and a dinger! You guys are gross. I’m out.