Tag: monkey

This $15,000. Monkey Bike Is Bananas

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

monkey bicycle
A planet where apes have evolved from Schwinns? Get your handlebars out from under me you damn dirty ape! This crazy Simian Schwinn is bananas. It’s nuts!

The only thing the seller says in the ad is to not get it wet. I can only guess it turns into some weird monkey-gremlin mode of transport in the rain. I promise not to feed it after midnight either. Can I just take it for a spin? I’m digging the whole chimp head hood ornament thing and the banana where a reflector should be. I shall name it Dr. Zaius.
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Dead Stuff: Bizarre Monkey Taxidermy

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

weird dead monkeyWhat the hell is this thing? Some weird taxidermy monkey I guess.  Maybe a baby bigfoot? Nah, if it was a baby bigfoot, the images would be all blurry and the voice in my head would have called bulls*it! But what does he know? Anyhow, this funky monkey is kinda cute. Thankfully he is no longer alive to transmit epidemic monkey viruses and such.

The seller had it listed for $395 or best offer on eBay. Sadly it sold before I could offer $2.59 in change and a lifesaver with cat hair and couch fabric embedded in it. If someone got this for 3 bucks, I’ll be mighty pissed off, because my next offer was to include the removal of said cat hair and couch fabric from the lifesaver. My calculations make this offer worth at least 3 bucks. Those watermelon lifesavers kick ass! I really gotta start upping my bids and offers.

More images below.
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Looks Like A House Elf To Me: Mummified And Deformed Fetal Monkey

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

deformed fetal monkeyYou can find all kinds of dead stuff on Etsy. No, I mean aside from the souls of a countless desperate crafters. Real dead stuff. Not just killed hopes and dreams. Like this Mummified Deformed Fetal Monkey. Ha. Typed Fecal the first time. That’s a whole ‘nother animal. This one looks like Dobby the house Elf from the Harry Potter movies. Only sound asleep and thankfully not moving his gob at anybody. More images of this cute little Fetal, thankfully not Fecal, Deformed Monkey below.
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