Tag: mounted head

Hyper-Realistic Old Man Sculpture

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Hyper-Realistic Old Man Sculpture
Damn, that is one realistic old man sculpture. He looks just like the guy that shook his fist and told me to get off his lawn yesterday. Hey, when you gotta go, you gotta go. At least I brought my own bag. I’m not an animal. It also looks like that guy who was trying to pay at the Post Office in pennies, but then realized he wanted to mail the pennies. I guess I’m age-ist because all these old people look the same to me. They all shout the same way too. They also all drive through Dunkin Donuts windows the same.

This guy is freaking me out, like he wants to lure me into his old-person-smelling home with hard candy, and tell me boring stories for like 3 hours. 2 hours I don’t mind, cuz it’s good candy, but learn how to edit. I give most of the stories 2 out of 4 stars cuz they lack monsters, dragons and Star Wars stuff.

Damn, that is creepy realistic. I can almost see him reaching for his change purse to see if he has enough to pay for those 11 items in the 10 items or less lane.

Ghostbusters Terror Dogs

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Ghostbusters Terror DogsI’m going bring this up with the Tenant’s Association. You’re not supposed to have pets in the building.

For $84. you can get two awesome and terrifying Terror Dogs. No, no, not those terror dogs from the ballpark that give you indigestion and little pebble poops later as you groan. You remember terror dogs right? From the first Ghostbusters movie. These guys are scary as Zuul!

I remember when that movie came out. I made my grandmother watch it. Then afterwards I would make ghost noises and ask her, “Who ya gonna call?”

“Ghostbusters!”

That’s when I had the orderlies from the rest home come in. “These Ghostbusters are removing you for your own safety grandma. We’ll bring you back when this place is ghost free.”

Hey, it was better than telling her the hard truth. She was happy for the last years of her life, knowing she was ghost free. So it was all good.

*Ghost noises that sound suspiciously like grandma* What the hell was that? *Whispering in my ear* “Who ya gonna call boy?”

AHHHHHKKKKKKKKKKK. I’M SORRY GRANDMA! PLEASE DON”T HAUNT ME!
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Mounted Predator Head

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mounted predator headI finally bagged me a Predator. Even if it does look like a watermelon mated with a spider. They are surprisingly easy to catch. Just cover yourself in mud and they’re all like, “Where did you go?” So I popped up and surprised him. That’s how I got this sweet Predator head for my wall.

Like 4 more were off to the side laughing. I held their friend’s head up. “This is funny spider-face?” What’s that smell? Smells like taco night, just before bed. Oh, right! That mud was butt-mud. Figures I would hide in a pig-pen. They just gave me a wide birth as I left with my trophy. That’s right. I’m the man!
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