What the shizz!? Don’t be putting any of these Creepy Baby Christmas Ornaments on my tree this year or Santa’s gonna puke all over the gifts. Like that time everyone found a bottle of Gin, an emptied ashtray and a pile of puke under the tree in 2004, with the train going round and round it all, pulling along a little elf across the filth. Of course I was Santa that year and it didn’t take much after polishing off that bottle and ingesting about the tenth taco. These ornaments raise the puke-o-meter to vomit-con 5.
Tag: odd
Victorian Gothic Poison Black Tea Cup Candles
MeandAnnabelLeeShop sells these cool Victorian Gothic Poison Black Tea Cup Candles. They look like tea cups that are full of tea and poison, but they will light up your room instead of killing you slowly. Which is much better in my opinion. The poison tea tag is a nice touch. They come in all kinds of varieties and styles. So you can pick your poison.
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Tortured Souls Rings – Agonizing Accessories
Does wearing Tortured Souls Rings make you the devil? I have no idea. That’s one for a philosopher. What I do know is that if you wear a handful of these and start punching people, you are making tortured souls create other tortured souls and that’s pretty evil. Don’t do that. Just wear them and admire their torment if you’re into that kind of thing. That reminds me, my feet are hurting. I think it’s cuz I have some tortured soles in my shoes. Wait. I AM the tortured soul in my shoes. Man, that’s deep.
Nightmare Before Christmas Wine Glasses
Whether it’s Halloween or Christmas, there’s one thing that’s always on the menu. Wine. Sweet “make me forget and wake up under an overpass” wine. And I prefer to drink it with Jack Skellington’s face looking at me, like a failed, not really caring AA sponsor. These Nightmare Before Christmas Wine Glasses are great company. Hit me up again Jack. I still know my name. You shut yer dirty skeletal mouth. I’ll say when I’ve had enough.
Amazon Introduces New Delivery Service – Amazon Excrement
So in Sacramento this woman delivery driver got out of her van and dropped a large deuce along with the package. I hear she used to be a delivery driver in Cleveland, where she was known as “The old Cleveland Steamer”. Now they call her the “Sacramento Squat”.
The woman who witnessed this says it was an Amazon Prime sized mess that a supervisor had to come out and dispose of.
He was in shock when he saw the size of ‘it’. He ended up scooping it up with a plastic bag, but didn’t want to take it with him (it smelled really bad). Guess the garbage can will smell like s__t for the next few days. I also had to hose down the gutter/sidewalk area after he left.
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