This whole DIY paint your own Fetal Skull craze has gotta stop. I’ve seen mothers painting their baby’s heads like American Flags, bowling balls, monster faces, you name it. Then they share the pics on the Insta-grind or whatever. I saw a mom with twins and each kid’s head was painted to look like a boob. She was all pushing ’em together making goo-goo eyes at passers-by. Well, if you can’t stop moms from using their baby’s heads as canvases, maybe they can at least paint on something else. Like this Fetal Skull Replica That You Can Paint. You know, so you can leave your kid alone. It’s gotta stop.
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Tag: odd
Raven Head Jewelry
This piece of Raven Head Jewelry is pretty cool. Put this on and you’ll get noticed. It’s called a Kopfschmücke and yeah, I know it sounds dirty as a dollar matinee in the red light district, but apparently that just means “headpiece”. I looked it up. You can never go wrong with a bird skull accented with flowers. Unless you’re a florist I guess.
Why isn’t florist spelled floorist? Cuz that’s how it sounds. I used to think a florist was a janitor, mopping floors all day. Stupid language. Kopfschmucke on it!
Hangman Tie: Tighten The Noose
Do you have to wear a noose to work everyday? I feel for you man. Me too. It’s a real noose-ance. Nothing to get all knotted up about. Check out the Hangman Tie. Now that’s a noose.
We all know that having to wear ties is nothing but “the man” keeping us down. By “the man” I mean the hangman obviously. Working for the man ain’t nothing but a slow climb up the gallows with only a quick drop to look forward to. Damn, I said something profound. Now I have to go look up “profound”. Also, sorry about the gallows humor. Damn, I said something “profound” again. BRB while I go look it up.
Update: Sorry it took so long. I forgot how to spell it, then got distracted by the TV. Then again by the computer. I still don’t know what it means, but here’s my definition: I’m friggin awesome!
Poop Emoji Plunger
Poop. It’s what clogs up your toilet so you have to plunge and get nasty toilet water all over you. Poop is the enemy. Why do you think we get rid of it everyday? Why do you think we put it in flaming bags so other people step on it? Well, when it comes to clogging up the old docking yards with your Cleveland steamers, you have to fight poop with poop. Get the Poop Emoji Plunger.
And plunge that toilet with this smiling fecal friend. He’s poop. He’s a plunger. He gets the job done.
Book of Spells Altered Composition Notebook
This Book of Spells Altered Composition Notebook is not to be confused with The Book of Smells, which sounds like a cool scratch and sniff book, but really it’s just an old notebook I sat on one night when feeling gassy. And that’s how that book got it’s name. We keep it under a glass dome and try not to upset it.
No, I’m pretty sure this one helps you spell stuff, so your English teacher would approve. What? Really? It’s about magic spells? Sweet! Abra Cadabra, I just saw a Chupacabra! *Looks out my window* It worked! It worked!