Tag: sticky notes

Sticky Note Nightmares

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Sticky Note Nightmares
These Sticky Note Nightmares make me happy that nobody leaves me notes. Aside from the usual “You suck at parking” note anyway. No, YOU suck at parking. That’s why I got here first! You also suck at notes, because there’s no creepy artwork like on these scary sticky notes.

You know what my sticky note nightmares are? Leaving a note that says, “Need Mac and Cheese ASAP – happy face – happy face – I love you.” and then my wife leaves a note that says, “Get it yourself you fat f**k – happy face – happy face. Lose weight.”

Seriously, I think that this could happen one day and it sends chills up my spine. Oh wait, that was just the 64 oz. Slurpee I just sat on. Maybe I am a fat f**k. Food for thought. Wait. Doesn’t food for thought make your brain obese? I best not overthink it. You can also check out this awesome Dark Violin Art.
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Bandage Sticky Notes

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Bandage Sticky Notes
I am stuck on band aid brand cos band aid’s stuck on me! Leave a message that will get people’s attention. No one gives a s**t when they see your stupid little post-it note. Bandages get people’s attention. That’s why i use these Bandage Sticky Notes. I’ll write stuff like:

“If ya find this note fab, I’ll show you my scab. I pick it all day, and all through the night. It’s now an infection, and it’s on my er*ction. PS Can you pick me up from the ER? Thanks”
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Salami Notes

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

salami notes
Yeah, I used to use these Salami Notes for all kinds of things. I would write myself notes, leave messages for others, tell random strangers to get bent, but I don’t use ’em anymore. They just aren’t worth the trouble. People get real offended whenever the salami comes out. Like that time my female boss asked me for some sales figures.

No problem boss lady, I’ll just write you a note on my salami and slide it in your box nice and easy.

*slap* Pack up your desk right now you filthy disgusting maggot.

Or that time a co-worker asked me if I had any post-its.

No, but I’ll give ya my salami. Just go easy on it. It’s not like you can get this kind of meat in the Deli.

*BAM! Heel to the toe*

Then there was Bertha the hairy mole-faced janitor with hog breath.

Sure I got something to write on. How about you take my salami? Say, why are we going in the supply closet? No need to pin my arms done! Oh dear God! No, keep the lights off. Why? Why?

*shudders*

Leaf-it! Leaf Sticky Notes

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

leaf-itThese Leaf-it! Leaf Sticky Notes look just like real leaves. You know, the kind that grow on trees. Outside. You’ve probably seen pictures on the internet. Trust me, they exist. They aren’t just places for Keebler elves to make cookies.

These Leaf-it sticky notes are so real looking, I don’t recommend them for people who live in the woods. (Again, look it up on the internet. It’s a magical place full of the previously mentioned trees.) You’ll spend all day just looking for your to-do list because some squirrel ran off with it and is now using it as bedding.
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