Whoa! Far out man! This Psychedelic Blown Glass Octopus Pendant is hippy, trippy and drippy. Okay, I had trouble rhyming that last part, but it is dripping with awesome. That’s so tenta-cool! Blown glass? More like blown mind. *Makes explodey noise* I’m pretty sure this is the kind of pendant that gives you magical powers when you wear it. Maybe my hands will grow suckers and I’ll be able to shoot ink. Pew pew pew! Not gonna fight bad guys though. I think we all know why. Cuz I’m too big of an octo-puss! Maybe I can stop the great octo invasion.
Author: Artemis Winterford
Stranger Things Eleven Bleeding Nose Candle
You been watching Stranger Things? Don’t worry, I won’t spoil it for you. I’ll just say get ready for a lot of Eggo waffles and nose bleeds. Am I right? I swear I even saw Eleven wipe her damn bleeding nose with a waffle. Crazy show. Now you can watch Eleven use her powers and light your room at the same time with this cool Stranger Things Eleven Bleeding Nose Candle. I wasn’t gonna feature this, but hey, if it bleeds it leads right? This thing bleeds from both nostrils as the candle burns down.
8-Bit Horror Villains From Funko
Something wicked this way comes. Shhhhhhhh.It’s my ex-wife. I’m pretending I’m not home. But something cool is also coming. 8-Bit Horror Villains From Funko. This series features Freddy Krueger, Jason Voorhees and a Xenomorph. I can’t wait to see who else they add in the future. I would buy them myself, but the ex-wife just found me and she left with my money. Sad face.
Spooky Sexy Gothic Black Cat Pendant
I made a poem about this Gothic Black Cat Pendant.
Black Kitty goes meow meow.
Black kitty wants food now now.
Black kitty ready to chow now!
Black kitty so hungry he could eat a cow now.
Black kitty is eating human cuz you should have fed black kitty.
I drew inspiration from my cat cuz that’s what he told me. Just before he bit my ankle.
Walking Octopuses Attack On The Shores Of Wales
*Holds up picket signs.* Octopus stay in the water! They walk, we run! Down with the cephalopods! *Drops picket signs and runs as the Octopi horde approaches.* Residents of beach community in Wales have witnessed dozens of octopi emerging from the ocean and walking along the shore. Witnesses yelled, “Stop doing that.” and “You aren’t people!”. One old man yelled, “It took you eight legs to do that? Ha! I got two and I been doing it my whole life!” He then proceeded to unload on the octopi “Terminator with a shotgun” style. Okay I made that last part up, but for reals, Octopuses are leaving the ocean and walking on shore like badasses.
At least twenty-five have been seen walking along the sands of New Quay beach over three consecutive nights. It looks like the beginning of an invasion people. Guard your beaches, protect your mermaids if you have ’em.
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