Tag: xenomorph

Articulated Alien Chestburster

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Articulated Alien Chestburster

My chest hurts just looking at this thing. But it is kind of cute in that color. This Articulated Alien Chestburster comes in an assortment of colors in fact. You can keep him in your house, just don’t let him anywhere near your chest. It is about 24 inches of sheer terror wrapped in cute packaging. I might put this in the neighbors yard just because they piss me off. This Articulated Alien Chestburster is more like a heart burster when it surprises you in the middle of the night.

I got the Alien Chestburster Christmas Ornament, I might as well get this guy too.

Alien Xenomorph Egg Cushion Pillow

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Alien Xenomorph Egg Cushion Pillow
This Alien Xenomorph Egg Cushion Pillow lets you lay down on the couch and get your damn face hugged into oblivion. Naptime is now nightmare time. Alien eggs. For your couch. Or bed. Or wherever the hell you want to be scared to death. Bonus: If someone tries to grab your pillow, you can say, “Hey! Lego my alien EGGo!” That’s always fun. At least until they hatch. Then your fun wordplay aint shizz! You’re just alien Xenomorph food.

After it eats you, it’s gonna sit on your couch watching Oprah and warm up all of the other eggs until they hatch. Sad really.

Snailien Alien Xenomorph Sculpture

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Snailien Alien Xenomorph Sculpture
In the garden, no one can hear you scream. Just ask this Snailien Alien Xenomorph Sculpture. I wouldn’t want to come across this guy while planting some flowers. I wouldn’t even want to come across this little beast anywhere. I bet a shovel can’t even kill it. He’ll eat your face off and kill your whole gardening crew. What, you don’t have a gardening crew? You ain’t shi* bra! Me and my crew grow vegetables like you wouldn’t believe. We spraying Miracle Grow like spraying bullets with a glock. Come at us man! What u got? Sorry. I’m all tense cuz the gardening turf wars are heating up. Anyway, this Alien Xenomorph Sculpture is slimy and terrifying.

I need to lie down after seeing this bit of nightmare fuel. I feel faint. Good thing I have my Alien Xenomorphs Egg Cushion Pillow. What’s the worst that could happen. That I lay my head on it and something sucks my face off? Hmmm. I didn’t think of that. I guess that nowhere is safe from the alien menace. This ndude has some serious attitude. Just look at him. He knows he is the deadliest thing in the garden and he’s smiling.

Custom Funko Pop Xenomorph Alien

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Custom Funko Pop Xenomorph Alien
You know Funko pops right? They’re pretty toys that don’t even look good most of the time. But this artist cured that problem. Behold the Custom Funko Pop Xenomorph Alien. Because screw cutesy alien toys. They should look disturbing even when cute. Don’t turn your back on this guy. Not even once.

Functional Alien Xenomorph Pez dispenser

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Functional Alien Xenomorph Pez dispenser
What’s this? Pez? Did someone say Pez? Ohhhh I love that candy. It’s a Functional Alien Xenomorph Pez dispenser? Whatevs. Like I care. I just want the sweet taste of candy on my tongue. Come here, baby. Flip that alien neck and give me the good stuff. *Tongues dispenser way too erotically.* Oh, that’s good. I can taste it- AHHHHHHHHH! why you bit mah ton off? AHHHHH! Da blood! Da blood! Now I’m gone talk dis way fur eva! Tanks a lot for da peach im-bediment!