Do you like your skulls with roses? Well, this Skulls and Roses Crossbody Purse has both. Plus plenty of room for your stuff. And you better not be carrying around ACTUAL skulls and roses inside cuz that’s just messed up and you may have a problem. This bag is stylish, functional and beautiful, which is coincidentally what I said about my grandmother when they went to put her in a home. They agreed it wasn’t time, then they asked me why I called her a bag and slapped me upside the head.
Author: Artemis Winterford
Edgar Allan Poe Raven Wallet – Let Poe Hold Your Dough
Hold your dough in Edgar Allan Poe and you will lose your cash nevermore. That’s a little funny I made up just for this wallet. This Edgar Allan Poe Raven Wallet is awesome. One side of the wallet has a Raven image; the other has various clips of Poe’s manuscripts and a portrait of the author with raven feathers. It is one seriously dark and foreboding wallet. Sooooo cool.
Coffin Case For Sunglasses, Eyeglasses, or Pens
Is this an eyeglass case or a die-glass case? Well, this Coffin Case is perfect for your sunglasses, eyeglasses, or pens and such. I like to throw a bit of dirt in every time I put my glasses in and close it, then say a comforting word or two, hand on heart. It is basically the perfect accessory for vampires and undertakers. We love it. I need this cuz the future’s so bright… I gotta wear shades!
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Unwrap These Cool Mummies Playing Cards
Oh man, I’m about to get wrapped up in this card game. Cuz of these awesome Mummies Playing Cards. Perfect for poker nights in your ancient tomb. So open up some ancient sarcophaguses and play a game with your own mummy or mummies. If you can handle all of their groaning and moaning. C’mon, how bad can it be being wrapped up in toilet paper? It isn’t like it was already used toilet paper. Damn. Check out that cool art.
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This Guy Lost His Virginity To Aliens, Now He Paints About It
Some guys get f**ked by aliens and just use some hemorrhoid cream and try to forget about it. Others feel lonely and hug their pillow for like a year. Not this guy. 72-year-old painter David Huggins paints paintings about it. He lost his virginity at seventeen to an “alien hybrid” named Crescent, and sired “over fifty hybrid-alien children”. Sounds legit. At least he doesn’t have to pay child intergalactic support. Should have used an intergalactic prophylactic.
He was walking through a forest in Georgia towards a lake. He saw her sitting next to a tree. Crescent had a perfectly normal human appearance except for her head—her pale, pointed face had large black eyes and she was wearing a wig. They both disrobed and he soon lost his virginity.
Sounds like an epic love story. Thanks to Crescent the space-milf, now David is the subject of an upcoming documentary called Love and Saucers, which you can check out below. Personally, I would have called it I love Uranus, Uranus love me, but I wasn’t consulted.
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