No way I’m trusting this The Ring Movie Bookmark to hold my place in a book. Bizatch is gonna crawl outta my book like she already does my TV and cause all kinds of hell. All while looking and acting creepy. You need to take a shower and wash that damn hair,maybe put a nice dress on. You can’t complain you don’t have a guy when you aren’t even trying girl!
Author: Artemis Winterford
Vampire And Werewolf Repelling Soaps May Save Your Life
Do I need Vampire And Werewolf Repelling Soaps? Nah. I don’t need to repel vampires or werewolves with soap. I’m more like a werewolf who is repelled by soap itself. Whhhhhew! Things are getting rank around here. Anyway, these soaps are what you need to keep bloodsuckers and hairy beasts away. Each 3oz bar of anti-werewolf soap contains colloidal silver, holy water and rosemary. The vampire one has garlic and holy water in it. Just like garlic bread made fresh from the vatican!
via Geekologie
Vampire in Coffin Table Lamp
You know the best part about this Vampire in Coffin Table Lamp? It showed me how to beat vampires. Just put a lamp over their coffin. That way they can’t get out. Cuz of the light.
That’s not sunlight dumbass.
*Mocks you* “That’s not sunlight.” Idiot. Where do you think light bulbs come from? They capture sunlight and put it in a bulb. Duh. That’s how light works. Here’s another fun fact: Even water from the Pope’s toilet is holy water and will kill most vampires. But that may just be cuz of germs.
RIP Tombstone Pillow For When You Are Dead Tired
This Tombstone Pillow lets you Rest In Peace. Just lay your head down on this comfy pillow and I’ll try not to put some Xs over your eyes and make ya look all dead like. No promises. I would use pennies, but I’m all out. Used my entire change jar full of pennies to pay for taco bell. I’ll tell ya what’s not resting in peace: My colon!
Dissected Frog and Pig Enamel Pins
These Dissected Frog and Pig Enamel Pins are cool. It takes guts to wear them. Well, they are guts. On a different note: Is that really what a pig looks like? I was picturing a fat slice of bacon, with bacon legs and a bacon head. You learn something new everyday. Don’t wear your heart on your sleeve, wear your dissection on your sweater.
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