This is the Freddy Krueger Nightmare On Elm Street Phone. It’s what Freddy does to your phone if he catches you trying to prank call him. Trust me on that one. It’s the reason my phone is trying to tongue me to this day. One day I might just give in and let it do it, but I haven’t been that drunk yet. Tonight may be the night. After a six pack, that tongue is starting to look pretty damn good.
And stop changing all my stuff into things that look like an LSD freak out Freddy! It’s weird!
Damn, that’s one ugly chick. These Weird Alligator Taxidermy Dolls from OddlyUniqueCreations is fugly. And I thought I was gator bait. Reminds me of that blind date my friend set me up on. She looked just like this. Gave me Er-reptile dysfunction for like a week. I was all like, “See ya later alligator” and “after while crocodile.” I might have also told her that I would need some pretty strong gator-aid to take her home. *shudders* Not gonna lie. I downed some strong gator-aid and bumped nasties with her. She sure knew how to spin a guy around in bed so it feels like your drowning. I lost an arm that night. Never called her back. She was the one that got away. Sure, I set traps, called in Steve Irwin… Wasn’t meant to be.
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Cool Dragon Skull Beeswax Candle dude! Mind your own beeswax!
If you light it, they will come. Huh? Who’s that? If you light it, they will come. Uhhhhh. That’s the first time the voices ever said that. *Shrugs and lights my awesome dragon candle.* Weird. It’s getting all dark and stormy outside. Sounds like wings flapping. And shrieks. *Watches as a dragon busts through the window pane. Another bursts out of the fireplace. And the front door. Then the Kool-Aid man breaks through the wall shouting, “Oh yeah!”*
Oh f**k! What have I done?
This Coffin Bar With Skeleton comes from a Craigslist ad from Dallas. If you own a weird tavern, or creepy bar, you may want to get this thing.
Hey bartender, why is it so dead in here?
Hey bartender, what’s with the corpse in the bar? Oh, he didn’t pay his tab.
It would be hard to drink up with that thing looking at you. You can remove the skeleton and crawl in yourself if you want.
via Neatorama
This whole DIY paint your own Fetal Skull craze has gotta stop. I’ve seen mothers painting their baby’s heads like American Flags, bowling balls, monster faces, you name it. Then they share the pics on the Insta-grind or whatever. I saw a mom with twins and each kid’s head was painted to look like a boob. She was all pushing ’em together making goo-goo eyes at passers-by. Well, if you can’t stop moms from using their baby’s heads as canvases, maybe they can at least paint on something else. Like this Fetal Skull Replica That You Can Paint. You know, so you can leave your kid alone. It’s gotta stop.
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