These Spooky Trees Halloween Wine Glasses are not only spooky, but scary too. An empty wine glass is a horrifying thing. Quick, fill me up. Ahhhh, that’s better. Again. Chop chop. We wouldn’t want my liver getting dry, now would we? Make like a tree and leave. Then come back with my drink. Don’t you bark at me. Hmmm. I just ran out of tree jokes. I’m gonna get to the root of my drinking problem, I swear. But I’m gonna go out on a limb and guess that won’t be happening tonight. Give me another kind of drink. Gonna branch out. *Passes out*
Author: Artemis Winterford
Weird Doll Head Necklaces
Hey doll! Waz up? Don’t call me doll! For your information, I wasn’t talking to you, I was talking to the doll head on your chest. Nah. These Weird Doll Head Necklaces won’t make you look creepy at all. Too bad none have glowing red eyes and a head that turns 360 degrees, while saying, “momma” all creepy like. Maybe wear all of them and be the crazy doll head lady with a whole family around her neck. That would be some awesome baby bling! No. No it would not. That would be creepy. This has been a fashion PSA.
Purple Slug Earrings
That’s a cool pair of Purple Slug Earrings. You know what you call a purple slug right? A purple nurple! *Everyone cover your nips as I go on a rampage* Now that I have that out of my very juvenile system… I actually got out the the juvenile system a few years back cuz they couldn’t try me as an adult. I’m a free man now. I was known as the Purple Nurple Burglar. I would break in at night and do the twist, if you know what I mean. Then run. The statute of limitations ran out and the color has returned to all of the boobies that I wronged.
Belial From Basket Case Replica
It’s been like decades since I’ve seen the Basket Case movie, so I don’t remember what it’s all about, bit I will always remember this freak in a basket. This is a replica of that dude. Obviously, he really is a basket case. Get back in that basket, you’re scaring all of the normal people. Is that my Easter basket? You get out of there right now! Where’s all my candy? You didn’t even save me a peep?
Spooky Crystal Balls
It takes balls to see into the future. Crystal balls that is. These crystal balls are all smokey and creepy with images floating inside. Sweet! This will help me become a fortune teller. I see an eye. I see a skull. I see a raven. I also see that there’s a lunch special at that place across the street. Well, hurry up and pay me. I gotta eat!