Duct tape is the answer to so many questions. Now it is the answer to good business attire. Nothing says, “I’m a go-getter who can fix things on the fly” like a tie made out of duct tape.
It goes well with the duct tape mask. Get yourself a duct tape suit and you are the coolest man in the world.
Is it me or are rats getting bigger lately? Must be all of that radiation everywhere mutating them. Like this dead rat scarf. That’s a long wiener rat right there. It will keep you warm and toasty and all decked out in rat fashion.
Just $70 from Etsy seller MissSnowberry. Phaw. I could knit one myself. I’ll do it now. *returns 20 days later* Behold the rat scarf! *unfurls scarf* I mean Octopus. Behold the mangled octopus!
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You ever see two obese people bump bellies? It looks like a ton of fun. Maybe a quarter ton depending on diet. They always look happy. It’s like an obese high five. Hey buddy, how about we bump our all you can eat dinners together and see who pukes first? Sadly, many of us are too thin to get in on the excitement of belly bumping. But not anymore.
The Buddy Bumper Ball is all kinds of fun. It basically makes you a giant blueberry. It’s the ultimate in Obese simulation. Get plump. Then bump your plumpness together.
Hey LARPers. Forget that fancy enchanted set of golden Warlock bracers that you have. Sure they give you +2 defense, but take it from me, it hurts like a mother trucker when that sword hits your wrist. And the force of the blow will probably still shatter your calcium deficient nerd bones.
You need something with some give. You need meat bracers. These are at least +5 defense with a +10 grossness thrown in. If Rocky trained with meat, the least you can do is wear some as armor. Plus, you’ll look badass, like someone has already flayed your skin off. Probably your mom. Because she’s sick of her nerd son freeloading in her basement. You losers need to-
Not now mom!
I’ll do it when I’m finished. No, I’m not rolling the forums again. And it’s TROLLING mom. Did you finish sewing my Elven Wizard costume yet?
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This Belly-Bursting Baby Halloween Costume can be easily made at home by making sweet love to a mutant and not using birth control. Mutant babies always burst out of the belly near Halloween, holding their own trick or treat bag.
Not saying I’m a mutant, but I don’t care if this thing burst out of my wife’s belly or not, I’m still getting all of the Reese’s cups this Halloween. And you better finish coming out. Feels weird now when we spoon. You keep moving your little fingers like so it feels like a centipede on my back. And what’s with that weird O face? It’s creepy. No way. You are NOT stuck. Get out the rest of the way now!
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