Looking for a sack that captures your manliness? One which will also hold all of your man junk? Don’t keep your junk in the trunk. Keep it all up front with the Man Sack.
How’s it hangin’? Pretty good. Pretty good. Just me and my man sack. *cue Maybeline song* Maybe he’s born with it…Maybe it’s Man Sack.
Man Sack is back and he’s on the attack. Cuz holdin’ stuff in your pockets is just plain whack!
Teach that bubble-headed blonde bimbo, Barbie, a thing or two, by letting the air in her head heads hold you upright. Be like Ken and walk all over Barbie. These weird shoes are a staggering $264.99, but sadly are out of stock.
We will just have to work out our aggression toward Barbie by ripping some heads off on our own and stomping all over them.
Make your fist one of fury when you put a Godzilla on each finger. I got a fist full of Godzilla’s and your face is Tokyo! Let’s get to wreckin’! Nah. It’s not like these awesome Godzilla rings are brass knuckles. There’s no way you could hurt someone while wearing these rings.
Well, maybe Mothra. Mothra is just begging for it? He thinks being a Moth is going to be able to stand up against the mighty Godzilla. Godzilla would just light a fart- Wait, these rings cost $385? I just realized I have way to many fingers. Looks like if I want to play Godzilla, it’s finger puppets for me.
Tired of cleaning up duck poop? Me too. It’s everywhere. My pet duck refuses to clean up after itself. You ever seen a duck poop 5 inch mounds all over the carpet? I should probably stop feeding it hamburger helper and Mountain Dew. This patriotic duck diaper harness should help.
But then I would have to change him like a baby. I have enough trouble keeping my own butt poop free. Again, it’s probably the Hamburger helper and mountain dew.
Wait- I feel like such an idiot. Those 5 inch mounds of molten lava-rhea are mine. *Duck stares at me* I’m not apologizing. I’m not. Duck you.
Do androids dream of electric sheep? Do holographic mermaids dream of electric eels? I have no idea, but I like how you’re rockin’ that $155 holographic mermaid bodysuit my fishy feminine friend. Of course, that may be due to the fact that YOU ARE HYPNOTIZING THE S**T OUT OF ME with those glasses.
Damn girlfriend, I would have come willingly and given you some sweet love. No need for mermaid trickery. I know all the right things to do and say my sweet ocean siren. Want a sample? Here goes: “Hey baby, them scales is heavy.” Which of course means something entirely different to a human woman. You can say that to a mermaid, NOT to a woman who just stepped off a scale. Lesson learned.
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