Tag: along came a spider

Spider Lamp Makes A Great Fright-Light

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spider lamp
This crazy Spider Lamp has a big old butt that lights up. At least this spider makes it’s presence known. It’s the ones you can’t see that you have to worry about. The ones in your corners, the ones gently repelling down from the ceiling, the ones under your blankets at night…

You’re welcome. If it makes you feel any better, I’m all itchy and paranoid now too, but that may just be the result of 3 Red Bulls and a bag of Kit-Kats. I do what I have to for you guys, working all kinds of hours. Is it normal to see dust orbs that turn into angels and then rummage through your underwear drawer, while losing all feeling in your left hand?

Black Widow Spider Costume AKA “The Maneater”: Watch Out Boy She’ll Chew You Up

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Black Widow Spider CostumeThis Black Widow costume looks nothing like the spiders I’ve seen crawling around my baseboards. Those aren’t sexy like this one. I usually just stand on my bed shrieking while I call my neighbor to come deal with it. And by “deal with it”, I mean she comes over and slaps me in the face, telling me to man up and grow a pair, because “I’m not your f***ing mommy, so stop calling me!”.

This is followed by a lengthy interrogation about how I got her phone number and why are there pieces of mail with her name on them in my house? Just getting to know my neighbors is all. Jeez. All the while, that scary and creepy 8-legged thing is still on the floor somewhere. By the time I get tazed, it doesn’t even matter, because I wake up a day later. That’s my life.

Click through for more images. Including a shot from the back. Nice egg-sack.
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Spider Coin Purse Looks Hungry

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spider coin purseThis Spider Coin Purse (PDF pattern) is perfect for when you leave your web to do some grocery shopping. That will be $103.86 please. WTF? For a tube of hemorrhoid cream and a roll of lifesavers? I guess the economy really has gone to hell. Oh well. I’ll just pay for it in quarters and nickels so I can show off my cool spider coin purse.

As a bonus, this guy gets fatter with every coin you put in him, making him look all beefed up and strong.
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We’re Going To Need A Bigger Boot: Scary Giant Spider

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huge spiderGet it off me! Get it off me! Oh, it’s just on the screen. Thank God. I thought I was going to have to jump on the chair and scream like a little girl again. It would suck to have that happen twice at the same coffee shop. However I’m pretty confident that I could walk away with dry pants this time. Holy mother of all spiders! This is a large 36″ x 48″ x 24″ badass spider made from 80% foam, 15% latex, and 5% metal.

What’s with that color and pattern on the butt-sack? Does that mean poisonous or is it just meant to give it’s prey a psych evaluation? I see a butterfly…..Well, I’m not sure what it is. It floats like a butterfly, but stings like a bee. I KNOW. It’s Muhammad Ali. AWESOME GUESS. TELL HIM WHAT HE WON BOB!

YOU WIN…GETTING KICKED OUT OF THE COFFEE SHOP FOR LOSING CONTROL OF YOUR BLADDER AFTER ALL. THAT AND LIVING IN HORROR EVERY TIME YOU SEE AN EIGHT-LEGGED CREATURE!

Orange Orb Spider With Devil Face

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devil spiderSpiders are nasty enough as they are, but now there is apparently a new breed on the loose. One that has Satan’s face right on it’s dump trumpet. At least that’s what the seller of this $10 spider corpse thinks. I think it looks more like a wizard frog standing on it’s hind legs, playing with fireballs.

The seller says that it was found in Indiana, so it looks like we all have yet another reason to never live there. This thing should be burned with fire immediately before the power of Satan compels it to rise from it’s deadly death state. See more images below as you itch all over.
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