Tag: kill it with fire

Kill It With Fire – Baby Vampire Demon Doll

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Kill It With Fire - Baby Vampire Demon Doll
Anddddd that’s enough internet for today. This nightmare inducing Baby Vampire Demon Doll video has everyone freaking out, jumping out of tall buildings, screaming and clutching their hair, and setting their laptops and smartphones on fire in the hopes that it will kill this monstrosity. I torched my laptop too. That’s why I have to share this from a public computer in the library. Since I’ve been here, I already saw one neck-beard crying and rocking back and forth when he pulled this gem up.

This nightmarish toy sits propped atop a grave with a baby bottle filled with red blood, sitting next to it. Also, the eyes follow the camera everywhere as a terrifying soundtrack plays. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go steal neckbeard’s wallet while he’s stunned.
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Spider Baby Plush Toys

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Spider Baby Plush Toys
The spider babies are coming! The spider babies are coming! This is gonna require some king sized fly swatters! Like those huge wood spatulas they use for getting pizza out of the oven. Bring out your biggest boots and start stomping. These hairy-backed and baby-headed Spider Baby Plush Toys from scrumptiousdelight are pure nightmare fuel.

*Sees baby in a stroller all swaddled up in a blanket. baby head and top hat sticking out.* Awwww. Aren’t you a cute baby. Is that 8 ribs I see under your blanky-wanky? *Opens blanket. Sees eight legs.* SPIDER BABY! *Runs away screaming. Web hits me in the back. Spins me into a cocoon.*

*Wakes up an hour later on the sidewalk next to rows of other cocooned humans.* Spider baby? Me too. I hate spider babies!
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Fashionably Creepy: Tick Earrings

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tick earringsTick earrings. Is your skin crawling yet? Man, I hate these damn dirty bloodsuckers. Ticks are natures Vampires and if they attach themselves to your skin and start sucking, all you can do is kill them with fire. That usually means having your friend light a match while you are both freaking out and having that friend burn you over and over again while completely missing nature’s bloodsucking demon. Can we get this damn thing off of me or are you tattooing me with FIRE?

When you do finally burn these freaks of nature, they let go and get the hell off! Usually leaving you worried about having some kind of horrible disease. Thanks nature! This is why I stay inside and play video games.

They really tick me off!
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The Real Burning Man: Incredible Melting Man Candles…Mandles

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burning man candlesIncredible Melting Mandles. Man + Candles = Mandles. These candles are like little zombies that you can watch melt to the ground in three hours. Light him up, watch his last hours on this Earth. Only $15. from Etsy seller Stexe.

Click through for more pictures and an awesome rock solid video demo of these mandles. You’ll want to get yourself a little trash bin to go with these guys.
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Orange Orb Spider With Devil Face

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devil spiderSpiders are nasty enough as they are, but now there is apparently a new breed on the loose. One that has Satan’s face right on it’s dump trumpet. At least that’s what the seller of this $10 spider corpse thinks. I think it looks more like a wizard frog standing on it’s hind legs, playing with fireballs.

The seller says that it was found in Indiana, so it looks like we all have yet another reason to never live there. This thing should be burned with fire immediately before the power of Satan compels it to rise from it’s deadly death state. See more images below as you itch all over.
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