Tag: bath

Brain In A Jar Soap

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Brain In A Jar Soap
Hmmmm. Now where did I put that brain? I might know if I hadn’t misplaced it. But I did so… Me dumb now. Oh there’s my Brain In A Jar Soap. There’s nothing like lathering up with gray matter. What these soaps lack in firing synapses, they make up for in firing suds-napses. I like cleaning with brains, makes me feel smart. Like I am absorbing the knowledge from the brain and adding it to my own database. And believe me, I need all the brainpower I can get.

I’m like a showering zombie. *Approaches the shower muttering, “Brains… Brains* OW! Bumped into the tub and fell in. See, this is why I need brains.
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Junk Food Soap

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junk food soap
DirtyAssSoap sells Junk Food Soap. All kinds of soap that looks like delicious food. Whether you are scrubbing your pits with cheez its or cleaning your taint with some gummy bears, these soaps will make bathing fun. This isn’t new to me. I usually have like 10 plates and bowls of junk food in the bathtub with me, all floating around me like diabetic lily pads.

Did I mention I bathe in the pool? How else ya gonna get a junk food buffet floating around you? I usually shave by rubbing a cupcake against my face and lathering up with that sweet sweet frosting. I always forget and lick the blade afterwards.
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Runny Nose Shower Gel Dispenser

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Runny Nose Shower Gel Dispenser
This nose nose when you need some shower gel. Just like I know how to pick a winner of a weird item. Heh. Pick a winner. Like boogers. If boogers were a lottery I’d be a millionaire by now. And the wall by my bed would be full of numbered lottery balls instead of dried and flicked nose-nuggets.

Give this big honker a squeeze and it will drip out a snot rocket or two so you can get nice and clean. The Runny Nose Shower Gel Dispenser. drip some boogers and wipe yourself clean with them.

Hand Soap, For Real

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Halloween Soap
Can you give me a hand and pass the soap? Uh, that’s not what i meant by hand soap but whatever. It will feel good to have a bony hand caressing my body as I bathe. I’m trying to picture Milo Kunis in the shower with me, but that bony hand rubbing my butt feels more like the withered hand of Betty White. Not saying I’m not into it, just saying it’s weird.

Easy there Betty, you’re gonna get me all lathered up!

Newborn Baby Soap

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newborn baby soap
This Newborn Baby Soap is pretty cool, but I already smell like a newborn baby.

You mean you smell like flowers and nature and candy and powder? Sugar and spice and everything nice?

No, I mean I smell like I’ve been sitting in my own filth for about 2 hours while my parents neglect me. Been crying about it at the top of my lungs too. What do you have to do to get some service around here?