Tag: fake food

This Steak Is Made Entirely Out Of Tape

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This Steak Is Made Entirely Out Of Tape
This Steak Is Made Entirely Out Of Tape. That really ticks me off cuz it made me hungry. If I want a steak made of tape I’ll just let my wife cook tonight. It will taste like chewing on tape, plus it will probably give me a tape worm that I have to feed for like a year while it lays eggs in my gut.

This steak looks pretty realistic and unlike my wife’s it actually looks edible. I’m gonna show her this and tell her that’s what a steak should look like. It shouldn’t look like an off color turkey with atomic acne, all laced up with a shoelace. Damn I’m hungry!

Junk Food Soap

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junk food soap
DirtyAssSoap sells Junk Food Soap. All kinds of soap that looks like delicious food. Whether you are scrubbing your pits with cheez its or cleaning your taint with some gummy bears, these soaps will make bathing fun. This isn’t new to me. I usually have like 10 plates and bowls of junk food in the bathtub with me, all floating around me like diabetic lily pads.

Did I mention I bathe in the pool? How else ya gonna get a junk food buffet floating around you? I usually shave by rubbing a cupcake against my face and lathering up with that sweet sweet frosting. I always forget and lick the blade afterwards.
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Giant Hamburger Stool: Not What It Sounds Like

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giant hamburger stool
This Giant Hamburger Stool is not what it sounds like. I’m talking an actual stool you sit on, not a stool of the sample variety. Why do doctor’s need that anyway?

“Your fecal matter tested high in hamburger and very little else. Good God man, do you live in McDonalds? That is the hardest log I have ever seen. No wonder it took you 2 weeks to get back to us.” Well, I do frequent the establishment of the red-headed clown. *Doc writes a prescription* “Take this to the nearest pharmacy, called a ‘grocery store’ and have the pharmacist, I mean clerk help you out. It’s called salad. Eat it.”

I was going to. But then I realized that they already put a leaf of this stuff on my hamburgers, so I’m good.

via Uniquehunters

Stretchy Grilled Cheese Necklace

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grilled cheese necklace
This is the kind of Krafting I can fully support. See what I did there? As in Kraft cheese. Let me just warn you all that I am a grilled cheese animal. If you are wearing this Stretchy Grilled Cheese Necklace in my presence, I will bite at it and lick your neck like it’s our first date, because technically it will be.

You get a hickey or two, I lose a tooth or two. Seems like a fair trade to me. I’ll calm down once I realize that’s a fake gooey grilled cheese. Hopefully you’ll calm down before a restraining order is necessary.

Burrito Camera Lens Wrap

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camera burrito
The Photorito Lens Wrap is a neoprene burrito that protects your camera lens and keeps it in great shape. Also great for when you are going all James Bond and spying on people, while pretending to enjoy a nice fat burrito and read the paper. Oh, hey! Looks like the Cubs won today-

*Crunch*

Holy hell! Why? Why do I keep forgetting that there’s a camera lens in that burrito? Holy hell! The pain! *Quickly picking up teeth from the floor while holding my jaw and crying.* See this is why the British (Or any) government won’t hire me as a spy. Which is a damn shame cuz I could use some free dental.