Tag: beetlejuice

Beetlejuice Head Glass Pendant

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Beetlejuice inspired heady glass pendant
This Beetlejuice Head Glass Pendant looks pretty scary. I think it’s based on the cartoon. Like me, this guy features UV reactive hair, teeth,and eyes. I fell into a radioactive container and got superpowers, what’s your excuse? And no, I’m not saying your name three times. Why don’t you say my name three times, huh? That would be a change. It’s always about you isn’t it?

He kinda looks like a radioactive Albert Einstein when he’s all glowing and stuff.
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Beetlejuice Rotary Phone

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Beetlejuice Rotary Phone
This Beetlejuice Rotary Phone will be ringing off the hook as BJ tries to get in touch with you and make you say his name three times. I’m not falling for that again. I just refer to him as BJ these days, but it’s causing some trouble in my life.

*Looking at action figures at a flea market.* See anything you like? *Eyes the Michael Keaton figure.* Yeah, how about that BJ? *SMACK* What the deuce lady! Oh I get it. Sorry.

*Planning a romantic evening with a hot babe* Wanna watch a movie? Sure, which one? I’m thinking something in an extended directors cut. Soooo, maybe a really long BJ. That might be nice. *SLAP* Hey stop clawing my arms up and kicking me. Fine we can watch a romantic comedy! Damn.

Yeah, I really have to come up with a better name for you know who.
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Beetlejuice Ring Minder

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Beetlejuice Ring Minder
Steps into a tiny room full of spikes going every which way. Closes the door and gets into the only safe corner. Clears throat.

“Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice.”

Dude materializes with a smile, instantly gets ready to pull his funny/crazy crap, but doesn’t because he instantly is impaled on spikes that he materialized into. And THAT is how you get rid of Beetlejuice. Now you know how to handle that crazy sumb-itch!

Let’s talk rings. Are you the lord of them? I’m J.R.R. Talkin’ to you. If you have more rings than you know what to do with, this Beetlejuice Ring Minder is a stylish way to display them. Once you’ve rid yourself of that Beetlejuice freak of course. Now you know how.

Beetlejuice family costume

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Beetlejuice family costume
Beetlejuice. He’s the ghost with the most. Wish he was a game show host. Check out this Beetlejuice family costume. This will get you a lot of candy on Halloween this year. And it beats cutting holes in kids bags and picking up the candy trail. I had that career for about two hours until my chocolate covered face looked up into the light of a policeman’s flashlight. I barred my teeth and growled. Then bolted! Never looked back. But I think the cop slipped a tootsie roll and threw his back out. Cuz he said so between curses.

Damn that kid makes a creepy Beetlejuice! I wanna look like that when I’m an old man.

Saint Beetlejuice Candle

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saint beetlejuice candle
This Saint Beetlejuice Candle should only be used with prayers that begin with saying his name three times. I can get away with it, because I’m typing the name, not saying it. Just another sweet-ass perk of being a blogger. Don’t you try it.

Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice.

See. Totally safe. I knew that dingus Michael Keaton wasn’t going to appear. ARGHHHH! Internet is crapping out! My computer is soooooo slow. I’m-

Update: Gonna finish using the library computer, cuz my screen is all black and white stripes with Beetlejizz in the foreground juggling Winona Ryder and Tim Burton’s heads.

Once again, the perks of being a blogger turn out to be an exaggeration. Let that be a lesson to you kids. Stick with your selfies and texting while colliding with poles and leave blogging to the pros.

I’m off to the deli to get a slice of rye and some moldy bologna. An old Chinese guy told me it was the only way to banish him.