What the shizz!? Don’t be putting any of these Creepy Baby Christmas Ornaments on my tree this year or Santa’s gonna puke all over the gifts. Like that time everyone found a bottle of Gin, an emptied ashtray and a pile of puke under the tree in 2004, with the train going round and round it all, pulling along a little elf across the filth. Of course I was Santa that year and it didn’t take much after polishing off that bottle and ingesting about the tenth taco. These ornaments raise the puke-o-meter to vomit-con 5.
Tag: bizarre
Tortured Souls Rings – Agonizing Accessories
Does wearing Tortured Souls Rings make you the devil? I have no idea. That’s one for a philosopher. What I do know is that if you wear a handful of these and start punching people, you are making tortured souls create other tortured souls and that’s pretty evil. Don’t do that. Just wear them and admire their torment if you’re into that kind of thing. That reminds me, my feet are hurting. I think it’s cuz I have some tortured soles in my shoes. Wait. I AM the tortured soul in my shoes. Man, that’s deep.
Amazon Introduces New Delivery Service – Amazon Excrement
So in Sacramento this woman delivery driver got out of her van and dropped a large deuce along with the package. I hear she used to be a delivery driver in Cleveland, where she was known as “The old Cleveland Steamer”. Now they call her the “Sacramento Squat”.
The woman who witnessed this says it was an Amazon Prime sized mess that a supervisor had to come out and dispose of.
He was in shock when he saw the size of ‘it’. He ended up scooping it up with a plastic bag, but didn’t want to take it with him (it smelled really bad). Guess the garbage can will smell like s__t for the next few days. I also had to hose down the gutter/sidewalk area after he left.
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This Creepy Wrapping Paper Is Full Of Bugs
This Christmas everyone is getting their gifts in this Creepy Wrapping Paper. It’s Full Of Bugs. Also their birthday gifts. Plus, I’m giving them dead bugs inside, so no one is ever going to want gifts from me again and that will save me a ton of money. Yay me! I won the gift giving game. You win by not having to give gifts at all.
Kill Kat Vinyl Figure – Demonically Delicious
Give me a break. Give me a break. Break me off a piece of that Kill Kat bar! This Kill Kat Vinyl Figure turns things around since it takes a bite out of you. These are some evil wafers. They are totally twisted. Make that Twix-ted! Ha. Just made an awesome candy joke. It’s designed by Andrew Bell and based on his original sculpture. Only 666 calories per serving. Delicious? No. Demonic.