Tag: bottle opener

Halloween Bat Wine Opener

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Halloween Bat Wine Opener
Halloween is the battiest bat-tastic time of year. That’s why I always use this Goth gift wrap that is covered in bats. It is frighteningly festive. And this Halloween Bat Wine Opener is the perfect way to open that bottle of blood-red wine after you’ve watched your horror movies and handed out treats to all of the little demons on Halloween night. Just grab your bat-friend, spread those wings, and open up your wine. That sweet tipsy feeling is on the way. The best bats always help you get drunk, and this little guy is no different. It’s like he is flying while he is opening your wine. Wings up, wings down, I’m gonna get drunk and hit the town. Come with me Batty Boy Halloween Bat Wine Opener.

I’m more of a whine guy myself, rather than a wine guy.

Coffin Bottle Opener – Rest In Pabst

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Coffin Bottle Opener - Rest In Pabst
Every drink brings you and your liver one step closer to the grave, so why not pop those tops with the Coffin Bottle Opener? This bottle opener is Midnight Black in color with black hardware and a Cap Catcher. It’s a great piece of Gothic home decor. Drink ’em if you got ’em.

The only problem is now I need a coffin shaped recycling bin for the bottles. Someone get on that.

Me Like Beer Bigfoot Bottle Opener

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Me Like Beer Bigfoot Bottle Opener
*Talking to Bigfoot* Me like beer. You like beer. We drink beer together and open them with this Bigfoot Bottle Opener. *Pops open our beers*

An hour later…

You shut yer big furry mouths, I’ll drink you under the table. What d’ya mean I’m making an ass o myself? Why you stinky man-ape, thems fightin’ words. One more thing. As long as we’re hanging out you’re gonna refer to me as Han and I’ll call you Chewy. Shut it. Just play along. Did you hit the hyperdrive or am I just seeing stars? *Passes out.*
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Cthulhu Bottle Opener

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Cthulhu Bottle Opener
Yo Cthulhu, lend me a tentacle with my beer. Cuz the only thing worse than an elder horror is the horror of being without a cold beer. This Cthulhu Bottle Opener will let you pop those bottle caps with the power of the tentacled one himself. Bring me the head of Cthulhu! For I must drink! Cuz H.P. Lovecraft stands for Heineken Pabst Lovecraft. True story. I think. I may have just made that up in a drunken stupor.

Hey, that reminds me of a joke. What do you call an alcoholic apartment manager? The Stupor-intendent. Ha ha ha. Drunk humor is the best. Thanks for all the Cthulhu Mr. Hangover Prone Lovecraft. Laterz.

Golden Poop Emoji Bottle Opener

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Golden Poop Emoji Bottle Opener
This Golden Poop Emoji Bottle Opener is the shiny golden turd that will open all of your bottles. He looks happy about it too. The poop emoji is the best. He beats all other emojis cuz poop. Poop trumps everything. You know who wins in a game of rock, paper, scissors? Poop. Poop wins every time. I dare you to find a cuter gold poop that can pop your caps off.