Tag: conspiracy

Roswell 1947 Bracelet

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Roswell 1947 Bracelet
The aliens that crash landed in Roswell New Mexico in 1947 were probably drunk driving. Or texting maybe. Or making sweet love with their fingers like Mr. Spock does. They crashed during a lightning storm. Well, these alien’s misfortune can be your gain. Because you get to own this cool Roswell 1947 Bracelet. The seller says:

The saucer section of this sterling silver bracelet is embedded in a field of many small pieces of metal that have been fused and soldered to the bracelet cuff to simulate earth.

I’m a little bummed at the lack of alien corpses, bongs and beer can debri, but it’s pretty awesome.

Alien Body Mummified Remains

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Alien Body Mummified Remains
Oh man, these Alien Body Mummified Remains are freaky. It’s like Roswell all over again. Looks like Roger from American Dad, only more shriveled and fighting allergies from hell. Unless those puffy eyes are lady-parts. You never know with aliens. I’m gonna bust the government E.T. conspiracy wide open. I’ll set up an old black and white camera and do an autopsy. An alien autopsy. I don’t think that’s ever been done before. Right? What? Oh right. Well, I was in a coma for most of the 90s.

A government induced coma. Because I knew too much about the alien agenda- BRB doorbell.

A man dressed in black just called me Rip Van Winkle and told me to shut my stupid truth-hole unless I want another long nappy time. So I’m out.

Alien Stonehenge Saturn Conspiracy Theory Painting

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Alien Stonehenge Saturn Conspiracy Theory Painting
Put on your tin foil hat and stare at this Alien Stonehenge Saturn Conspiracy Theory Painting. What do you see? I see one of those lizard dudes who secretly run our world. He’s wondering if he should go to Saturn or Stonehenge, so he thinks about a poem he heard while he was a hatchling.

Saturn girls will make you hurl.
But give them a ring and they’ll wed ya.

The girls of Venus have five kinds of penis.
And they only want to behead ya.

Earth girls? They’re alright.

Then he gets in his UFO and travels to Stonehenge cuz it is an interdimensional drive thru. He just wants a burger.