Feast your peepers on this All-Seeing Eye Illuminati Tie. Wow. Try saying that three times fast. No, go ahead and try. I’ll wait. I’m gonna wear this everywhere so people think I’m “The Man”. Cuz I am. I admit it. I watch the goings on, I hush conspiracies, I AM the system! Plus, I attend all of the secret meetings. Really, you’ve never been? OMG! It’s so cool you guys. We have tables full of lunch meats, little weiners on sticks served on trays by little waiter weiners on stick legs, sometimes we talk about all of you peons and do a hearty belly-laugh as we drink wine. See the joke is usually that you have no idea that we are in control and living large at your expense. Ha! Good times. I know I’ve said too much, but that’s cool. They’ll just reprogram me and I’ll forget. Wouldn’t be the first time. As far as I know anyway.
Tag: illuminati
Liquorbrand Ouija Board Gothic Symbols Purse
Illuminati in da house! Shhhhhhh! We don’t talk about them. Ever. Anyway, this Liquorbrand Ouija Board Gothic Symbols Purse has all kinds of Ouija Board symbols and even an Illuminati eye in the center. Did I not just tell you to shut your mouth? Just talkin’ bout Shaft. I mean Illuminati! That’s it! We told you that the first rule of Illuminati is that you don’t talk about Illuminati. And you just keep blabbing on and on. Yeah, well you just talked about ’em. I’m just trying to make a point. You keep- Looks like we’re both out of the club. You son of a-
Illuminati Necklace
Oh look, an Illuminati Necklace. It’s the all seeing eye of the illuminati! Pffft! I bet it didn’t see what I did in the shower earlier. Spoiler alert: I peed. When ya gotta go, you gotta go. Technically I wasn’t “in the shower” yet, but I did it anyway. It’s like my litter box and I’m a bad bad kitty. *Licks paw and rubs my head.*
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The Cubinati: A New World Order Puzzle
The Cubinati! Made by the Illuminati. Who choose to stay away from the paparazzi! They’d rather stay at home and play Yahtzee! That’s just what I heard. Plus it rhymes. Solve this puzzle pyramid and I think you get a free membership in the group.
Perks include being a part of the New World Order and free pizza every Wednesady night! Score! The all-seeing eye is watching so solve it fast or else be dealt with by the elusive secret society. This puzzle will give you something to do while your population is being culled. Look at how happy and totally not brainwashed that girl in the ad looks. Why so serious?
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Paranormal Alphabet Cross Stitch Pattern
If you’re looking for a cross-stitch pattern that features all kinds of paranormal stuff, check out this Paranormal Alphabet Cross Stitch Pattern. This thing is like a conspiracy wrapped in a riddle, with a creamy nugget enigma topping. It has the Illuminati, UFOs, Aliens, the Jersey Devil (I hear he recently relocated to New York) and much much more. It’s like the X-Files as created by a Golden Girl. Mind blown! The truth really is out there. Wayyyy out there.
My grandmother would love this pattern. She likes to sit in her chair knitting all night, wearing a tin-foil hat, so that the aliens don’t get her. That’s why I have like a hundred half finished shirts with Bigfoot getting out of a UFO. Don’t worry grandma, you’re safe for now, but displease me once more and those aliens in the clean white coats are coming to take you away.
Psst. I found a sweet and dirt cheap “Retirement community”. Odd that the guy that runs it likes to meet in back alleys. Also odd that the place looks like a burned out building with a bunch of homeless people, but what do I know about cutting edge elder care?