Keep your pants up with this cool Chupacabra Belt Buckle. But does this mean that if my belt buckle spots a goat, it’s gonna jump off my business and go suck it’s blood, so that my pants fall down? That’s the question. Also this belt buckle kinda makes it look like that dirty goat sucker is snacking on my party log. Oh wait. I see the goat now. Wait… Is he snacking on that thing or are they making love? This belt buckle is confusing.
Tag: conspiracy
UFO Flying Saucer Types Womens T-Shirt
Molesters from other planets are kidnapping us. Sometimes putting us back into our beds at night, sometimes leaving us in a cage on the UFO so they can point and laugh at us. The first step in avoiding abduction is knowing your alien craft and that’s where this UFO Flying Saucer Types Womens T-Shirt comes in handy. If you see any of these, just run. Don’t let your bum get invaded by intergalactic whackjobs.
Losers. Yeah, I wish I had nothing better to do than fly around in a hot rod UFO sticking stuff up the cavities of various species. Some of us have to work for a living.
P.S. I just noticed how many of these UFOs are shaped like dongs. I wonder what their docking port is shaped like. Sickos! Nothing but sickos! Intergalactic trash!
Milk Packaging Shows Cow Getting Abducted By UFO
We all know that humans and cows are being abducted by aliens. It’s no secret. That’s why they are now putting UFOs abducting cows on milk bottles. This cool concept design for Molocow milk makes every serving of milk a recreation of a terrifying cow abduction. They say it’s fun for kids. I say it is terrifying for cows. I do like the cool flying saucer bottle caps though.
It’s all fun and games until that beam of light hits you and lifts you up into the mothership and violates your privates, whether you are a cow or a human. I hope they actually put this on their bottle though. I’m sure they will milk the idea for all it’s worth. If you think UFOs are utter nonsense, think again.
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Area 51 Coasters: The Truth Is Out There
I’d like to tell you about these Area 51 Coasters, but the place doesn’t officially exist. Nope. There’s nothing there but desert. If you think you saw something it was only a mirage. That’s what the nice men wearing black told me. Yep. So that’s how it is. I didn’t see anything. I was never there. Those men were never here questioning me. They said so. I never saw no stinking UFO wreckage, there was no alien corpse and if I think there was, that’s gonna be the end of me.
Paranormal Alphabet Cross Stitch Pattern
If you’re looking for a cross-stitch pattern that features all kinds of paranormal stuff, check out this Paranormal Alphabet Cross Stitch Pattern. This thing is like a conspiracy wrapped in a riddle, with a creamy nugget enigma topping. It has the Illuminati, UFOs, Aliens, the Jersey Devil (I hear he recently relocated to New York) and much much more. It’s like the X-Files as created by a Golden Girl. Mind blown! The truth really is out there. Wayyyy out there.
My grandmother would love this pattern. She likes to sit in her chair knitting all night, wearing a tin-foil hat, so that the aliens don’t get her. That’s why I have like a hundred half finished shirts with Bigfoot getting out of a UFO. Don’t worry grandma, you’re safe for now, but displease me once more and those aliens in the clean white coats are coming to take you away.
Psst. I found a sweet and dirt cheap “Retirement community”. Odd that the guy that runs it likes to meet in back alleys. Also odd that the place looks like a burned out building with a bunch of homeless people, but what do I know about cutting edge elder care?