Meet Milton Moondust. His head is made of cheese. Sometimes people land on it. This makes him sad. It also makes him sad that I just pointed and laughed and called him “Crater-face”. He probably has alien bases on the dark side of his head. NASA has pictures, but they’re covering it up. I guess aliens on his head would be considered moon-cooties. Poor Milton.
Tag: space
Alien Space Dog Remains
You know how it is. You’re out zipping through space in your Hot Rod UFO, your space dog’s head hanging out the window, when suddenly Fido has to take a leak. And since you don’t want him lifting his leg in your newly upholstered UFO, you have to make a pit stop. On Earth. But you encounter a lightning storm and you crash. Then some hick finds your alien corpse and your Alien Space Dog Remains. That’s an embarrassing way to go. Your remains are in the hands of those lower life-forms that you have probed endlessly.
I say, you got what you deserved space scum! And if my butt-hole wasn’t so messed up, I’d kick your alien keister! But I have to hit the toilet like now before I erupt! That’s your fault. And stop leaving your dogs all over our planet! *Farts as I run to the bathroom*
Anyway, damn their space dogs are ugly. Big brains though. I bet when you put a treat on it’s nose, it just telekinetically lifts it and carries it into it’s mouth. That seems like something a freaky space pooch would do. At least they are evolved enough to ASK if they can hump your leg. Probably cuddle it after too.
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Alien Stonehenge Saturn Conspiracy Theory Painting
Put on your tin foil hat and stare at this Alien Stonehenge Saturn Conspiracy Theory Painting. What do you see? I see one of those lizard dudes who secretly run our world. He’s wondering if he should go to Saturn or Stonehenge, so he thinks about a poem he heard while he was a hatchling.
Saturn girls will make you hurl.
But give them a ring and they’ll wed ya.
The girls of Venus have five kinds of penis.
And they only want to behead ya.
Earth girls? They’re alright.
Then he gets in his UFO and travels to Stonehenge cuz it is an interdimensional drive thru. He just wants a burger.
Space Unicorn Faux Taxidermy
*What’s that?* Oh, that’s just my trusty Space Unicorn. He doesn’t do much. Just sits there. Looks awesome. No lasers shoot from the eyes and it doesn’t poop glitter. It just does it’s own awesome thing. It was probably attracted to my awesome manliness and my sweet bachelor pad. *Yeah right. It was probably attracted to your virginity!*
Hey, you take that back! *Can’t take back what hasn’t been lost yet* Fair enough. I just like it because it’s pretty and sparkly.
Glow-In-The-Dark Solar System Womens Bikini Underwear
Undies. The final frontier. I’m talking Glow-in-the-Dark Solar System Underwear. Hey girl, I’ll let you orbit around my Venus if you let me circle around Uranus! No? That’s cool. I like you, you got a way about you. A “milky way”. *Leans back. Looks cool.* Wanna go for a ride? In my Saturn? No again? Too bad. You really have my mercury rising.
Etsy seller makeitgoodpdx offers all kinds of Glow-in-the-Dark underwear for men and women. Let’s all wear them tonight and go outside at an agreed upon time. Because it’s all about making the Star Trek, not the Star Wars.