I hate it when zombies eat my cupcakes! This Cupcake Recipe book will allow me to fight back by giving me tips on defending my cupcakes from these undead hooligans. Wait. That’s not what this book is about. Is it? I guess not. Still, the A Zombie Ate My Cupcake Recipe Book will teach you how to bake all kinds of cool and fun zombie themed treats. But I’m not gonna bother, cuz a zombie would just steal mine. I know. I’ll just make extra! Wow, look at me problem solving like an adult. I’m adulting everyone! Look at me! I’m adulting! Now I’m gonna go color!
Tag: cookbook
Kitchen Overlord’s Dead Delicious Horror Cookbook
The Kitchen Overlord’s Dead Delicious Horror Cookbook will help you to cook gore-met meals that will scare the bejesus out of your dinner guests. It has 69 recipes that will cover your table with so many eyes, ears, guts, brains and more. Your dinner guests may even call the cops because they will think you are a serial killer. They will want to stop you before you can cook again. It has everything from edible strings of human ears to looping guts that are meant to be pulled apart at the table. The recipes are tailored to Paleo, Gluten-Free, Vegetarian, and Vegan diets.
I think I lost my appetite. It fell somewhere in the entrails and I ain’t digging it out.
Fifty Shades of Chicken Cookbook
I’m gonna get this Fifty Shades of Chicken Cookbook and me and my chicken are going to have a quiet night in. I’ll set the table, pour some wine, candlelight for two…
Oh chicken you are so lovely. You give me sticky chicken fingers whenever I touch you. Gonna bind your wings with bacon, grab ya by the dripping thighs and truss you up. Gonna rub some butter all over your poultry skin, cuz I know you want that Lard-on. Spank you with some marinade…
I would do all of that stuff IF I had a chicken. But I don’t. Thanks for making me hungry. Stupid book!
The Mac + Cheese Cookbook
Keep dinner simple with the The Mac + Cheese Cookbook. Does your meal have mac? Check. Cheese? Check. Ok, we’re good to go. I don’t want to brag or anything, but I love mac and cheese way more than you. Let me tell you a very heartfelt story. It’s a story about a “huskie” boy and a tree in the forest.
See, I once had a special tree where I would play imagination games. My favorite was the game were I pretended that other kids wanted to play with me, but that didn’t last long because ADD. And imagination only stretches so far when you are alone and the other kids don’t want you around. I found a special tree and whispered to it of my love of mac and cheese. It’s limbs gently bent in an unseen wind and it magically whispered back. “No climbing me fatty.”
Why you worm ridden piece of filth, I hope you get bark-rot! So I took out my pocket knife and listened to the magical wind that was it’s voice scream as I carved a symbol deep into it’s bark. The symbol was a circle and inside, I had carved. “I Love mac and cheese!”
Then as I stood back, it was as if the tree shivered in the breeze, shuddering in fear. I said, “Don’t you forget it. And one more thing. I ain’t fat. Just “huskie”!
Ah memories of youth. In my life, I’ve had like 3 trees fall and nearly kill me. Have no idea why.
Fifty Shades of Bacon
Now this is the kind of erotic book I can get behind. Nah. Not really. That’d be gross and page after page of people rubbing bacon all over themselves. That’s a waste of bacon. No, this Fifty Shades of Bacon book is a cookbook that delivers the “full bacon experience”.
This is 62 pages with 50 recipes. If I could give awards to books, this one would win my “Golden Coronary” of excellence award. But even if a book won an award, how does a book give an acceptance speech? Simply by reading itself and thereby proclaiming it’s excellence. Bacon. Enough said.
Pro tip: Never judge a book by it’s cover. At first I thought this was a bacon identification guide illustrating fifty shades of bacon color and telling you which are good to eat and which would kill ya from being in the fridge too long. Or not in the fridge at all.