Tag: recipes

Kitchen Overlord’s Dead Delicious Horror Cookbook

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Kitchen Overlord's Dead Delicious Horror Cookbook
The Kitchen Overlord’s Dead Delicious Horror Cookbook will help you to cook gore-met meals that will scare the bejesus out of your dinner guests. It has 69 recipes that will cover your table with so many eyes, ears, guts, brains and more. Your dinner guests may even call the cops because they will think you are a serial killer. They will want to stop you before you can cook again. It has everything from edible strings of human ears to looping guts that are meant to be pulled apart at the table. The recipes are tailored to Paleo, Gluten-Free, Vegetarian, and Vegan diets.

I think I lost my appetite. It fell somewhere in the entrails and I ain’t digging it out.

The Mac + Cheese Cookbook

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mac + cheese cookbook
Keep dinner simple with the The Mac + Cheese Cookbook. Does your meal have mac? Check. Cheese? Check. Ok, we’re good to go. I don’t want to brag or anything, but I love mac and cheese way more than you. Let me tell you a very heartfelt story. It’s a story about a “huskie” boy and a tree in the forest.

See, I once had a special tree where I would play imagination games. My favorite was the game were I pretended that other kids wanted to play with me, but that didn’t last long because ADD. And imagination only stretches so far when you are alone and the other kids don’t want you around. I found a special tree and whispered to it of my love of mac and cheese. It’s limbs gently bent in an unseen wind and it magically whispered back. “No climbing me fatty.”

Why you worm ridden piece of filth, I hope you get bark-rot! So I took out my pocket knife and listened to the magical wind that was it’s voice scream as I carved a symbol deep into it’s bark. The symbol was a circle and inside, I had carved. “I Love mac and cheese!”

Then as I stood back, it was as if the tree shivered in the breeze, shuddering in fear. I said, “Don’t you forget it. And one more thing. I ain’t fat. Just “huskie”!

Ah memories of youth. In my life, I’ve had like 3 trees fall and nearly kill me. Have no idea why.

Fifty Shades of Bacon

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fifty shades of bacon
Now this is the kind of erotic book I can get behind. Nah. Not really. That’d be gross and page after page of people rubbing bacon all over themselves. That’s a waste of bacon. No, this Fifty Shades of Bacon book is a cookbook that delivers the “full bacon experience”.

This is 62 pages with 50 recipes. If I could give awards to books, this one would win my “Golden Coronary” of excellence award. But even if a book won an award, how does a book give an acceptance speech? Simply by reading itself and thereby proclaiming it’s excellence. Bacon. Enough said.

Pro tip: Never judge a book by it’s cover. At first I thought this was a bacon identification guide illustrating fifty shades of bacon color and telling you which are good to eat and which would kill ya from being in the fridge too long. Or not in the fridge at all.

SPAM Recipes Playing Cards

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http://www.perpetualkid.com/spam-recipes-playing-cards.aspx
SPAM. The magical meat. The more on your plate, the warmer your seat. These SPAM playing cards have recipes on them, so you and the rest of the guys can all make toxic SPAM farts on Poker night while eating SPAM treats.

I got a full house, “SPAM and Pasta Nachos” high.

Royal Flush here, “Baked Apples with SPAM King” is high.

What do you have Bob?

*Bob covers his mouth and runs for the bathroom*

Bob’s got diarrhea.

Me too, but I ain’t whining about it. Hand me another slice of that Lemon SPAM cake would you? These are the best cards ever!

The Art Of Eating Through The Zombie Apocalypse

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art of eating through the zombie apocalypse
This book is called The Art of Eating through the Zombie Apocalypse. When the zombie apocalypse happens, we still have to eat, even if all we have left are those M & M’s you found behind the couch, coated in cat hair and ear wax.

This book from Lauren Wilson is part cookbook and part culinary field guide. It has over 80 recipes with food survival tips and dozens of diagrams that show you how to scavenge, forage, and improvise your way to tasty food while walking corpses do their best to kill you.