Check out this Skeleton F You Middle Finger Fork. At last, I can give the middle finger to broccoli, peas, and cauliflower. F you vegetables. In fact, F you to anything that’s not a cupcake pretty much. That’s why you’re morbidly obese. What? Ain’t nothing morbid about it. I’m just fat as f**k! A fat F**k making a donut run. You want anything while I’m out? Ow, my heart hurts! Do me a favor and punch me right there? OFF! That’s the spot. Kicked back into gear. All good now.
Tag: dinner
Arsenic and Cyanide Salt and Pepper Shakers
Arsenic and Cyanide. Sounds like a fun cop buddy flick to me. And the bad guys are about to get a lethal dose of justice! One is a seasoned veteran two weeks from retirement, the other a salty rookie! These Arsenic and Cyanide Salt and Pepper Shakers will give your dinner guests a scare when they go to season their food and pick their poison. Don’t tell my wife. She has been threatening to poison my food forever and this just might remind her. Yeah, I think I’m done with salt and pepper for awhile. Just to be safe. What? Not done with THAT Salt and Pepper.
Oooh, baby, baby. Baby, baby. Get up on this!
Ouija Board Wooden Serving Tray with Planchette Coasters
This Ouija Board Wooden Serving Tray with Planchette Coasters is a great way to serve guests during a seance or just everyday.
Your dinner is ready sir.
Thank you Jeeves. You know what to do next.
*Jeeves sighs* Did you have any questions sir?
In fact I do my good man. One simple question. Will I enjoy this dinner?
*Jeeves moves the planchette around my hamburger and fries, until the spirits make it hover over YES* All good sir. You will enjoy.
Excellent Jeeves. That will be all. *Fits napkin inside my collar. Slices into my burger with a knife and fork as my pinky strays carefree. Tastes it. Swirling it around on my tongue. Spits it out!* Damn that lying witches tool! Come here Jeeves, this instant!
Calamityware: Disastrous Dinner Plates
You know those old plates that your grandmother had? The ones with the cobalt blue patterns, with floral designs and landscapes? These are like those plates. Only cooler. Don Moyer creates this line of Calamityware dinner plates. They have all kinds of weird and disaster type themes like flying monkeys, a UFO attack, giant robots and giant sea monsters.
See grandma! My plates are way cooler! Even if I can’t feed myself cuz I’m an adult man-baby. Where’s my mac and cheese already?
Read more “Calamityware: Disastrous Dinner Plates”
The Mac + Cheese Cookbook
Keep dinner simple with the The Mac + Cheese Cookbook. Does your meal have mac? Check. Cheese? Check. Ok, we’re good to go. I don’t want to brag or anything, but I love mac and cheese way more than you. Let me tell you a very heartfelt story. It’s a story about a “huskie” boy and a tree in the forest.
See, I once had a special tree where I would play imagination games. My favorite was the game were I pretended that other kids wanted to play with me, but that didn’t last long because ADD. And imagination only stretches so far when you are alone and the other kids don’t want you around. I found a special tree and whispered to it of my love of mac and cheese. It’s limbs gently bent in an unseen wind and it magically whispered back. “No climbing me fatty.”
Why you worm ridden piece of filth, I hope you get bark-rot! So I took out my pocket knife and listened to the magical wind that was it’s voice scream as I carved a symbol deep into it’s bark. The symbol was a circle and inside, I had carved. “I Love mac and cheese!”
Then as I stood back, it was as if the tree shivered in the breeze, shuddering in fear. I said, “Don’t you forget it. And one more thing. I ain’t fat. Just “huskie”!
Ah memories of youth. In my life, I’ve had like 3 trees fall and nearly kill me. Have no idea why.